Trendwatch

Here are the top ten "Trending Now" stories on Yahoo! as of 7:12 PM, PST.

10. WILLOW THE CAT: Willow is a Calico cat from Colorado, who remained at large for five years before being picked up on a DUI in New York City.  She was living under an assumed name ("Mittens") but was identified by the tracking chip her owners had implanted in her years earlier.  She was returned to the authorities in Colorado to serve out the remainder of her life sentence.  She has vowed to escape again.

9. MICHELE BACHMANN: The Minnesota congresswoman (R-Abid) showed some true courage last night.  She's taken a lot of heat since Monday's Republican presidential debate, where she unveiled her pro-cancer political platform, but last night she defended her position in the crucible of American political commentary, "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno."  Leno pelted Bachmann with high-pitched softball question after high-pitched softball question, but Michele gave not an inch and came out looking stronger than ever.

Oh, and she admitted to dabbling in cannibalism.  (Wouldn't it be pretty to think so?)

8. FREQUENT FLYER MILES: In response to the latest round of dismal economic and unemployment news, Safeway has announced that it will accepting frequent flyer miles to buy food.  Thursdays are "Double-Mile Days": Why fly to Paris when you can get two cantaloupes for the price of one?  (I'm kidding, of course, but isn't it a depressing sign of the times that I feel the need to add this disclaimer?)

7. NANCY SHEVELL: The 51-year-old New Jersey transportation company executive will soon be the latest Mrs. Sir Paul McCartney.  Congratulations to the couple.  Now, I'm sure she's a nice lady, but, Paul, seriously, a 51-year-old Jersey girl?  You're a BEATLE, man!  You should be dating leggy supermodels, like your LAST wife.  OK, she was only one-leggy, but still!  (Yeah, I'm going to hell.)

6. MARC ANTHONY: The newly-single Marc Anthony cried onstage as last night, as his fans serenaded him with a rendition of "Happy Birthday."  Huh.  What an incredible pussy.  No wonder J-Lo dumped him.

5. HEALTHY FOODS: Yeah, right.  "Healthy foods" is trendy.  This is America, Yahoo!

4. SARAH JESSICA PARKER: Her new movie, "I Don't Know How She Does It," opened this weekend.  Originally, this film was conceived as a backstage comedy about the filming of "Sex and the City II" and was titled "I Don't Know Why She Did It."  (THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!  I'M HERE ALL WEEK!  DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS!)

3. JILL ZARIN: If you're like me, your first reaction to that name was, "Who?"  Upon finding out that she is one of the "Real Housewives of New York City," your second reaction was probably, "Why?"  Anyway, she's trendy because she will not be returning for the next season of the show.  So, the fact that she's leaving Bravo's cheezfest MAKES her trendy.  Sounds about right.

2. KARA KENNEDY: Senator Edward Kennedy's daughter passed away yesterday at the age of 51.  Out of sincere respect for the Kennedy name and legacy, I will refrain from making a joke about this.  If I WERE to make a joke about this, however, I would probably say something like, making it to 51 as a Kennedy is no mean feat.  (Yup.  Hell.  Me.)

And the Number One, trendiest topic of this moment in time is. . .

1. SALAHI DIVORCE: Great.  The late Kara Kennedy is the meat in a "Real Housewives" trend sandwich.  You remember the Salahis, right?  They were the couple that crashed a formal White House affair in an attempt to get on "The Real Housewives of D.C."  Now, Tareq Salahi has filed for divorce from his wife Michaele, claiming, among other things, that she has run off with Neal Schon of the band Journey.  Now THAT's living like a rock star!  (See, Sir Paul, that's how you do it: Not classy, respectable women!  Busty, gold-digging skanks!)

Advice for Young Teachers: Make 'Em Laugh

"The sage on the stage."  The phrase refers, often derisively, to an instructional model wherein the teacher stands at the front of the classroom, dispensing wisdom to his (and it's almost always "his") passive, semi-captive audience.  The preferred model nowadays is "the guide on the side": teacher as supportive nurturer, steering her (and it's almost always "her") students to the goal, but always letting them make their own discoveries along the way.  I think, however, that the "sage" model has something going for it, particularly when the sage makes effective use of humor.

I know, I know.  People lament the fact that professors are rated--often quite literally in the case of student evaluations and of sites like ratemyprofessors.com--based on their entertainment value.  Critics see this as a cheapening of the education process.  Students go to college for horizon-broadening, not belly laughs.  Laughter has no place in academy.

Nonsense.

We're not saying a professor should resort to pratfalls in an attempt to charm his "Introduction to Abnormal Psychology" students.  But conversational wit is another matter entirely.  For one thing, in order to appreciate wit, you need to pay attention.  Consequently, if a teacher earns a reputation for wit, students, anticipating entertainment, will pay attention to a lecture.  Paying attention, in turn, leads to that holy grail of any instruction: understanding.

Indeed, those who deride the enlightening power of humor fail to realize that our most prominent and successful modern philosophers can be found on the comedy-club circuit.  George Carlin was nothing if not a philosopher of language and its misuses; Chris Rock follows in the footsteps of Richard Pryor to philosophize about race; Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher, and others offer trenchant political commentary; and Carrot Top is an idiot.

We're not suggesting that a killer routine is the most indispensable weapon in a professor's arsenal, or that a teacher needs to hone her lecture on supply-and-demand curves at Amateur Night at the Apollo.  But a sense of humor, effectively wielded, can be a powerful instructional tool.  If you've got it, flaunt it.

The Daily Outrage

Well-wishes have poured in from around the blogosphere in response to the 1,000th installment of "The Solipsist."  I received very few actual gifts.  Don't feel bad, though, folks; I'm still accepting presents.  Besides, what I got from Pat Robertson will tide me over for some time: On Tuesday, the Right Reverend Voldemort counseled one of his followers on "The 700 Club" that divorce--while generally frowned upon by self-righteous rightists like him--is perfectly OK . . . if your spouse has Alzheimer's.

Context: Robertson was responding to a caller who was asking about a friend (yeah, a "friend") who had started seeing another woman after his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  Robertson, predictably, frowned on the adultery and counseled that the husband "should divorce [his wife], and start all over again."

Now, I know what you're thinking, "What kind of scumbag is this douche?" Or, perhaps, "What kind of douchebag is this scum?"  Or, simply, "What the fuck?!?"  We hasten to point out, though, that Robertson only advocates spousal abandonment if the "friend" first "make[s] sure [his wife] has custodial care and someone looking after her."

Custodial care, of course, costs more than a little money.  Still, assuming the husband's insured, this shouldn't be a major problem.  Oh, wait, the wife will lose the husband's coverage after he, y'know, divorces her.  But THAT must be why Robertson so vocally supported President Obama's healthcare reform package. I mean, he RAVED about how healthcare reform would be part of some "socialist colossus"!  Oh. . . he didn't mean that in a good way, did he?  Well, his followers support it, anyway: That's why they've gone to court to say that it. . .uh. . . it. . .it violates the Constitution.

This isn't looking so good, is it?

Robertson justifies his matrimonial advice on the basis that spousal abandonment of an Alzheimer's sufferer is compatible with the whole "'Til death do us part" of the wedding vow because Alzheimer's is "a kind of death."  Well that solves everything, doesn't it? The poor, addled, soon-to-be-discarded former love-of-someone's life doesn't need health-care! SHE'S DEAD ALREADY, DUDE!  KICK HER TO THE CURB!

We should point out that this advice applies only to heterosexual couples.  If you're in one of them queer marriages, then the Alzheimer's is just God's way of saying "Told ya so," and you have to stick with each other to the bitter end.  But at least you'll have insurance.

M

When I began this blog, I had no idea what I was doing, nor, really, why I was doing it.  It started out as something of a dare: A friend of mine had created her own blog, and she more or less challenged me to do the same.  I figured it was a relatively low-cost New Year's resolution, and so, in late 2008, I posted my first dispatch from Solipsist Central.  Despite many a weary night and the ever-present threat of writer's block, I have somehow managed to keep this thing going for, now, roughly 1,000 days (taking into account the occasional double-posting days and the even-less-frequent missed days).  Folks, you find yourself reading the 1,000th post to "The Solipsist."

Time to take stock,

First, an embarrassing admission,  Many of you have noticed and commented on my habit of writing things in the first-person plural ("we," "our," etc.).  This was a mistake.  See, all this time, I've written this blog according to the old rallying cry, "There is no 'I' in 'solipsist.'"  Turns out there are TWO "i's."  What I meant, of course, is that there is no "you" in "Solipsist."  Which is true.  We--I mean, I--regret the error, and will take it upon myself to engage in a massive clean-up effort to correct all my old posts.  I'm thinking of subcontracting this to Halliburton.

Deep down, I know that a thousand posts doesn't mean that much.  Is it a significantly greater accomplishment than, say, 864 posts?  Will it be diminished after I write the 1,001st post tomorrow, inshallah?  Not really.  Still, I take pride.  I mean, I've written as many blog entries as there are legs on a millipede.  Arnie has just the one left!  (Note to self: Buy a new millipede.)

Anyway, to my small but steady band of followers, I say, Thanks for reading.  I hope you've enjoyed the ride so far.  Let's see where we go from here.

Advice for Young Teachers: Donuts

When a baseball player awaits his turn at the plate, he stands in the on-deck circle, frequently swinging a bat to loosen up.  Sometimes, the batter places a donut-shaped weight on the bat.  By swinging a heavier bat in practice, the hitter can swing the comparatively lighter bat much faster when facing the pitcher: Greater speed means more power and a greater likelihood of success.

When it comes to assignments, teachers should place "donuts" on their students.  That is,when possible, teachers should assign their students work that is more difficult, more challenging, than the work they will have to produce on an exam. 

When we teach our students how to write an essay, we have them do quite a bit of practice in class.  But we don't just let them write an essay.  We place various hurdles in their path.  For example, the students must write an introduction without using any form of the verb "to be."  They may not use the words "it" or "they" in their essays.  In their body paragraphs, the students must provide three supporting details for each main idea, and each supporting detail must not only be supported by evidence, but each must be supported with a different kind of evidence: If a student uses a personal example to "prove" the first supporting detail, he must then use facts or statistics to support the second supporting detail, and then an appeal to emotion for the third.

We hear more than a little grumbling.

The grumbling disappears, however, when students realize that, on the test, they CAN use forms of the verb "to be."  They can use the same kind of evidence more than once within a body paragraph.  They can even get away with writing fewer than three major supporting details per body paragraph (as long as what they do include has sufficient detail).  We still encourage them to avoid "it" and "they" (which usually pretty much eliminates pronoun errors), but aside from that, most hurdles are removed.  The donuts come off the bat.

Not only do students find the tests comparatively easy; they are also usually able to finish the exams quicker, which leaves them more time to review their work and make sure they've said what they wanted to say in the way they wanted to say it.  They also feel such relief that some of their test anxiety dissipates.

When your students do well on their exams, then, you should arrange a little celebration.  Maybe you can bring donuts.

Would You Like Some Chocolate with Your Oxygen?

Hershey's has a product called "Hershey's Air Delight."  What makes this product special--the selling point, if you will--is its disproportionate ratio of air to chocolate.  Following this marketing strategy to its logical conclusion, we assume we can look forward to an empty wrapper emblazoned with the Hershey's logo--doubly delightful!

What Were You Expecting? Something about Boobies?

So Presidents Obama and W. showed up together at a Ground Zero remembrance.  It's a 9/11 miracle!  Yes, Virginia, there is bipartisanship!

The Solipsist has a couple of friends.  Really!  Anyway, this particular couple of friends is two friends who are a couple.  They've been married 12 years.  Not ABOUT 12 years--exactly 12 years today.  Their cotton anniversary was certainly memorable.  We imagine, though, that there are couples who today are celebrating their tin anniversary against an exponentially more somber backdrop.  (Well, serves 'em right.  Who gets married on a Tuesday?)

Last year, in this space, we provided our own "Where were you when. . .?" story.  While we never say never, we expect this will be our final official observation of this hallowed day.  While we'll never forget, there is a time to relegate things to history, and if even some of those most deeply affected by the 9/11 attacks feel it's time to move on (as reported in today's Times), who are we to argue?

Because ultimately, today is just another day that an arbitrary calendrical system has invested with significance. The significance remains, for better or worse, whether we mark the date or not.  And as our aforementioned friends know, the date can mean so much more.  Thousands of people were born on this date ten years ago; thousands more died in tragedies far more mundane and far less reported than those that occurred on our country's east coast.

We send out our thoughts and worthless agnostic prayers to those who suffered and continue to suffer from the events of this day ten years ago.  We fervently wish that, somehow, we as a nation can recapture some of the communal spirit that surfaced all-too briefly in those frenetic days.  And we turn our attention, finally, to the future.

Rise up.