American pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has agreed to merge with Irish drug company Allergan. Even though Pfizer is a considerably larger company, under the conditions of the deal Allergan will technically be the "buyer." The reason? Corporate inversion! A fancy term for legal tax evasion. See, because Pfizer will suddenly, officially, become an "Irish" company--despite the fact that the bulk of Allergan's business, like Pfizer's, is actually conducted in the United States--Pfizer will be subject to Irish corporate tax rates, which are considerably lower than those of the US. Conservatives will no doubt shriek that this just proves that American taxes are too high, driving venerable corporations like Pfizer to such extremes of financial gamesmanship. One wonders how much American governmental largesse has found its way into Pfizer's research and development coffers--to say nothing of protections offered by American patent laws and other governmental services that Pfizer is now seeking not to have to pay for. But never mind that.
As much as one's gorge rises at Pfizer's behavior, there is a silver lining: I think this suggests a solution to the Syrian refugee crisis. I'm thinking that, if American families take in refugees, the Americans could declare that the refugees are actually "sheltering" them--and that they--the Americans--should therefore be subject to tax rates of the refugees' original homes. I frankly have no idea what Syria's federal tax rate is, but even if it's considerably higher than the US', I don't see Bashar al-Assad coming over to collect.
Of course it's a ridiculous proposal: Ludicrous tax dodges are only for multi-billion dollar companies seeking exorbitant profit, not for people displaying exorbitant generosity.
Showing posts with label Syria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Syria. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Saturday, October 31, 2015
In Which We Feel Impending Dread
A small number of American troops will soon be on the ground in Syria. If you're keeping track--well, good luck. But as I understand it, the Americans will coordinate with Kurdish forces battling the Islamic State. The Kurds, though, are also fighting the Assad regime, an ally of Russia. Russia started dropping bombs on Syria a couple of weeks ago, ostensibly also targeting the Islamic State, yet, strangely, causing major damage primarily in areas controlled not by ISIS but by those battling Assad--in other words, dropping bombs on people who share the goals of the Kurds--whom American forces will be hanging out with.
So, yeah, no way this ends badly.
This decision has accomplished a minor miracle in Washington, uniting Republicans and Democrats, who both think it a bad idea. Of course, they have different reasons. Republicans feel that the troop deployment is "too little too late," and Democrats think it risks pushing the US down a "slippery slope into a hopeless war." Clichés aside, both sides are kind of right. I tend to side more with the "stay out of it" side, but I also think that these sort of half-measures--designed to show that the US is doing something while not getting hopelessly entangled--are doomed to accomplish pretty much nothing, except maybe get American soldiers killed. To throw another cliché at the situation, "Go big, or go home." And if those are the choices, Americans should really just go home.
So, yeah, no way this ends badly.
This decision has accomplished a minor miracle in Washington, uniting Republicans and Democrats, who both think it a bad idea. Of course, they have different reasons. Republicans feel that the troop deployment is "too little too late," and Democrats think it risks pushing the US down a "slippery slope into a hopeless war." Clichés aside, both sides are kind of right. I tend to side more with the "stay out of it" side, but I also think that these sort of half-measures--designed to show that the US is doing something while not getting hopelessly entangled--are doomed to accomplish pretty much nothing, except maybe get American soldiers killed. To throw another cliché at the situation, "Go big, or go home." And if those are the choices, Americans should really just go home.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
My Two Cents
For the record, I have no problem with the Russians taking the lead on the whole Syria situation. All these people who worry that the United States is ceding its leadership or damaging its international prestige should relax: They're right! And this is truly not a bad thing. Sure it gives Vladimir "Pecs" Putin the opportunity to tweak the US in the pages of The New York Times--but as we all know, Times readers are all latent Communists anyway. More importantly, though, this could avert war and give American leaders the opportunity to refocus on domestic needs. Like that'll happen. But a guy can dream.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I Believe in the Easter Bunny, Too
I guess it's good news that we may not have to bomb Syria after all--although I must say, it's been a stressful few weeks, and a little vicarious wanton destruction would have done this weary soul some good. Still, I find the whole proposed workaround a bit dubious. If I'm understanding things properly, Russia has suggested--and Syria has at least not out-of-hand rejected--the idea that a military solution can be avoided as long as Syria promises to let international inspectors check out--and eventually remove or destroy--Syria's chemical weapons. I mean, if the goal is to thwart Syria's ability to launch chemical weapons attacks on its own or other people, this sounds like an eminently reasonable solution. As long as you trust Syrian authorities to be forthright with international inspectors about the condition and location of all its chemical weapons' facilities--you know, those facilities that up until about, oh, an hour and a half ago, Syria was claiming didn't exist.
Whatever. The whole realm of international politics--and domestic politics, for that matter--depends for its continued functioning on a certain willing suspension of disbelief--a willingness to accept things at face value despite all evidence to the contrary (the US doesn't torture, the members of Congress are motivated solely by a desire to help the American people, everyone has an equal voice in society regardless of wealth--you get the idea). If accepting this empty promise keeps America out of yet another war, I guess that's a price worth paying.
Whatever. The whole realm of international politics--and domestic politics, for that matter--depends for its continued functioning on a certain willing suspension of disbelief--a willingness to accept things at face value despite all evidence to the contrary (the US doesn't torture, the members of Congress are motivated solely by a desire to help the American people, everyone has an equal voice in society regardless of wealth--you get the idea). If accepting this empty promise keeps America out of yet another war, I guess that's a price worth paying.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Agreeing with Idiots
If you ask me whether I think the United States should bomb Syria in sympathetic retaliation for the Assad regime's alleged gassing of its own civilians (not that the gassing is alleged--just that we can't be 100% sure that the Syrian government was behind it), I would have to say, "No." Sure the world would probably be a much better place without Bashar al-Assad in it, but I can't see that the U.S. has a legitimate stake in this conflict: Assad directly attacked neither the United States nor any of its allies--he seems, frankly, too smart to do any such thing. And unless and until the entire international community decides to take action, I see no reason for America to take upon itself yet another Middle Eastern firefight.
That being said, I was troubled by an article in today's Times that described the attitudes of the residents of Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, the overwhelmingly majority of whom share my distaste for military action. Some people, of course, rightly point out that the conflict in Syria is properly understood as a civil war, and the U.S. has no pressing national security interest in its outcome--or at least no clear understanding of what a desirable outcome would be from a domestic security standpoint. Others, though, expressed opinions like this:
“[Obama's] having trouble keeping his popularity up; this war on guns has made him unpopular. And this is his way of getting back up.” (Jennifer Taylor, bartender)
Um. . . Well, except that his liberal supporters LIKE his "war on guns" (such as it is), and they DON'T like the thought of bombing Syria--and even most conservatives (at least of the Tea Party stripe) have never cottoned to the idea of international entanglements. So who is Obama appealing to with this. No, you see--
"[Taylor's] customer, Mr. Tripp, suggested that the use of chemical weapons was actually a plot by Al Qaeda to lure the United States into toppling the Syrian government, and that Mr. Obama was falling for it. Terrorists will rush into the vacuum once Mr. Assad is gone, he warned."
Well, I mean, OK, Al Qaeda is certainly not above such devious tactics. It does seem a rather roundabout way of accomplishing its objectives. Besides, if Al Qaeda got its hands on sarin gas warheads, I would suspect they'd be more likely to launch them at Israel or Washington. Still, interesting points. Now, if we could just focus on--
"'It’s going to be a "Red Dawn" situation,' Ms. [Malinda] Dulaney said, referring to a film about a Russian takeover of the United States. 'You see that movie? They’re going to come over here, on boats, on planes, and take over. Who’s going to defend us? We’re sending them all overseas.'"
Riiiight. Because when we launch missiles at Syria, we'll be so distracted. . .watching the missiles. . . that a group of. . . uh. . . .Islamic militiamen will be able to sneak over and storm the . . . beaches? . . .of Washington, DC? And. . . And I guess this time around, we won't even have Patrick Swayze to protect us. . . .
Guys, I'm seriously trying to be on your side. You're not making it easy.
Wolverines!
That being said, I was troubled by an article in today's Times that described the attitudes of the residents of Waynesburg, Pennsylvania, the overwhelmingly majority of whom share my distaste for military action. Some people, of course, rightly point out that the conflict in Syria is properly understood as a civil war, and the U.S. has no pressing national security interest in its outcome--or at least no clear understanding of what a desirable outcome would be from a domestic security standpoint. Others, though, expressed opinions like this:
“[Obama's] having trouble keeping his popularity up; this war on guns has made him unpopular. And this is his way of getting back up.” (Jennifer Taylor, bartender)
Um. . . Well, except that his liberal supporters LIKE his "war on guns" (such as it is), and they DON'T like the thought of bombing Syria--and even most conservatives (at least of the Tea Party stripe) have never cottoned to the idea of international entanglements. So who is Obama appealing to with this. No, you see--
"[Taylor's] customer, Mr. Tripp, suggested that the use of chemical weapons was actually a plot by Al Qaeda to lure the United States into toppling the Syrian government, and that Mr. Obama was falling for it. Terrorists will rush into the vacuum once Mr. Assad is gone, he warned."
Well, I mean, OK, Al Qaeda is certainly not above such devious tactics. It does seem a rather roundabout way of accomplishing its objectives. Besides, if Al Qaeda got its hands on sarin gas warheads, I would suspect they'd be more likely to launch them at Israel or Washington. Still, interesting points. Now, if we could just focus on--
"'It’s going to be a "Red Dawn" situation,' Ms. [Malinda] Dulaney said, referring to a film about a Russian takeover of the United States. 'You see that movie? They’re going to come over here, on boats, on planes, and take over. Who’s going to defend us? We’re sending them all overseas.'"
Riiiight. Because when we launch missiles at Syria, we'll be so distracted. . .watching the missiles. . . that a group of. . . uh. . . .Islamic militiamen will be able to sneak over and storm the . . . beaches? . . .of Washington, DC? And. . . And I guess this time around, we won't even have Patrick Swayze to protect us. . . .
Guys, I'm seriously trying to be on your side. You're not making it easy.
Wolverines!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Punting
Overall, you've got to figure that President Obama made the right choice: deferring any military action against Syria unless and until he receives congressional approval. Of course, people will howl that he has damaged America's credibility by refusing to order the immediate cratering of Bashar al-Assad's presidential palace or something equally punitive in retaliation for the Syrian military's apparent gas attack on helpless civilians. Then again, these would probably be many of the same people who would have howled that Emperor Obama was disdaining the Constitution had he gone ahead with a military strike without seeking Congress' blessing. So we all might be wise to ignore most of the howling.
Personally, I'm torn about the whole situation. If Assad actually ordered a poison-gas attack that killed scores of civilians, including numerous children, then he certainly deserves a special place in Hell. I can't help but wonder, though, why it always seems to fall to the United States to administer such punishments. True, the US possesses the world's strongest military, and this country has, at least in its rhetoric, always expressed a commitment to universal rights to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." But there are other countries with powerful militaries (at any rate, militaries that are more than capable of dealing damage to a regime like Syria's), and plenty of other nations that have expressed equal or greater outrage at the sight of dead Syrian children. Why is everyone sitting around waiting for America to act?
This sort of situation, of course, is exactly what the United Nations was created for. That organization, though, is hamstrung by the fact that Russia continues to support the Syrian government and also holds veto power over any proposed interventions. So if Assad is to be punished, it will have to fall to other countries.
At any rate, Obama made the right move. If Congress authorizes force, the President can order military strikes without, at least, worrying about domestic charges of unconstitutional overreach. If Congress denies him such authorization, then the United States can at least for the moment avoid yet another military entanglement in the Middle East.
And maybe in the long run a slight loss of American credibility might not be such a bad thing: If the rest of the world--especially other liberal democracies with a strong commitment to human rights--realizes that America won't always take matters into its own hands, then maybe there can be a greater sharing of humanity's burdens.
Personally, I'm torn about the whole situation. If Assad actually ordered a poison-gas attack that killed scores of civilians, including numerous children, then he certainly deserves a special place in Hell. I can't help but wonder, though, why it always seems to fall to the United States to administer such punishments. True, the US possesses the world's strongest military, and this country has, at least in its rhetoric, always expressed a commitment to universal rights to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." But there are other countries with powerful militaries (at any rate, militaries that are more than capable of dealing damage to a regime like Syria's), and plenty of other nations that have expressed equal or greater outrage at the sight of dead Syrian children. Why is everyone sitting around waiting for America to act?
This sort of situation, of course, is exactly what the United Nations was created for. That organization, though, is hamstrung by the fact that Russia continues to support the Syrian government and also holds veto power over any proposed interventions. So if Assad is to be punished, it will have to fall to other countries.
At any rate, Obama made the right move. If Congress authorizes force, the President can order military strikes without, at least, worrying about domestic charges of unconstitutional overreach. If Congress denies him such authorization, then the United States can at least for the moment avoid yet another military entanglement in the Middle East.
And maybe in the long run a slight loss of American credibility might not be such a bad thing: If the rest of the world--especially other liberal democracies with a strong commitment to human rights--realizes that America won't always take matters into its own hands, then maybe there can be a greater sharing of humanity's burdens.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
The Solipsist Reads the Paper (So You Don't Have To)
Buried in a report about the Nemocalypse battering the Northeast was this little tidbit: "Maine declared a partial emergency, allowing it to suspend federal transportation rules, extend worker hours and bring in extra crews from Canada to assist with storm damage repair."
Dear Maine, I know you're digging out from snowfalls of biblical proportions, but don't be snowblind to the dangers posed by "well-meaning" Canadians! Once these subversive maple-suckers gain a toehold in American soil, there's no telling where they'll stop! This time next year, we could all be sucking on Molsons and acting politely to each other! I urge all my Maine readers to resist the Canadian surge. And in case I have no Maine readers, I encourage my followers around the Northeast to form a human microphone (a la Occupy Wall Street) to scream this warning to our for-the-moment compatriots in the Lobster State (or whatever).
Of course, if the Canadians DO manage to infiltrate America, we may just be able to sic a few drones on 'em. During confirmation hearings for John Brennan as CIA director, the nominee revealed that the Obama administration has discussed the feasibility of creating a special court (along the lines of the FISA court, which currently rules on the admissibility of wiretapping) that would hear arguments about whether an individual--particularly an American citizen--could be targeted for drone-strikes.
Personally, if I were a judge, you could not PAY me to sit on such a court! I would TOTALLY do it for free! I mean, come on! "How was your day, Dear?" "Oh, not bad. Had a few meetings. Lunch with Roger. Authorized death from above." How cool would that be?
I probably wouldn't last long in the job, though. I think the administration would grow tired of my compulsion to include on all my orders lines from the movie "300" or pseudo-Schwarzeneggerian sign-offs: "Hasta la vista, terrorists! You have not a REMOTE chance of avoiding being DRONED und CRATERED!"
Another article profiles the teenager who unwittingly helped ignite the Syrian revolts that have so far left thousands dead and hundreds pf thousands displaced. The teenager (whom the paper does not name, for obvious reasons) inspired rebellion when he was arrested and tortured for participating in the relatively innocuous "crime" of anti-regime graffiti: "He watched his cousin spray-paint the wall of a school in the city of Dara’a with a short, impish challenge to President Bashar al-Assad, a trained ophthalmologist, about the spreading national revolts.
“'It’s your turn, doctor,' the cousin wrote."
All I can say is, an opthalmologist AND a sadistic dictator? SOMEBODY had quite the "Tiger Mom."
An increasingly popular app called Snapchat combines the availability of instantaneous chatting provided by Facebook and Twitter with the ephemerality of those dissolving cassettes at the beginning of every episode of "Mission: Impossible." It seems that people--especially younger folks--are growing weary of having every youthful indiscretion stored indefinitely on the world's servers. Snapchat messages and pictures automatically self-delete after a set period of time, encouraging people to express themselves more revealingly than they might do on a less transitory platform. I think this is a great idea, and I am already developing the app that I think will be the logical successor to Snapchat: I call it, "Talking to People."
In New York, the Department of Homeless Services is paying landlords thousands of dollars to rent rooms that would normally go for a few hundred. I would hereby like to officially offer up my spare bedroom (formerly known as SOS's room) for use by New York's Department of Homeless Services.
Finally, John Karlin, formerly of Bell Labs, has died. Actually, he died on January 28. I guess the Times delayed the announcement of Karlin's death to spare his family the crush of paparazzi that would otherwise have surely disrupted his funeral.
Who was John E. Karlin, you ask? (Don't pretend you know!) He was a pioneer in the field of industrial psychology, the study of the way that human beings interact on a psychological and emotional level with technology. The study of the way people interact physically with technology is known as ergonomics--or Japanese pornography.
Anyway, we largely have Karlin to thank for the layout of the touch-tone phone and its many descendants. Much time was spent deciding, for example, the appropriate size of the buttons, as well as their layout: lower numbers on top vs. lower numbers on bottom, that kind of thing. All I can say is, I'm glad Karlin's team rejected the proposed "QWERTY" keypad (or, more accurately, "KWERTY"), which would have had the top row go 5-9-3 and placed the "star" key (which even then nobody had a use for) where the seven is today. Rest in Peace, Mr. Karlin. To hear a eulogy, please press the pound key or remain on the line.
Dear Maine, I know you're digging out from snowfalls of biblical proportions, but don't be snowblind to the dangers posed by "well-meaning" Canadians! Once these subversive maple-suckers gain a toehold in American soil, there's no telling where they'll stop! This time next year, we could all be sucking on Molsons and acting politely to each other! I urge all my Maine readers to resist the Canadian surge. And in case I have no Maine readers, I encourage my followers around the Northeast to form a human microphone (a la Occupy Wall Street) to scream this warning to our for-the-moment compatriots in the Lobster State (or whatever).
Of course, if the Canadians DO manage to infiltrate America, we may just be able to sic a few drones on 'em. During confirmation hearings for John Brennan as CIA director, the nominee revealed that the Obama administration has discussed the feasibility of creating a special court (along the lines of the FISA court, which currently rules on the admissibility of wiretapping) that would hear arguments about whether an individual--particularly an American citizen--could be targeted for drone-strikes.
Personally, if I were a judge, you could not PAY me to sit on such a court! I would TOTALLY do it for free! I mean, come on! "How was your day, Dear?" "Oh, not bad. Had a few meetings. Lunch with Roger. Authorized death from above." How cool would that be?
I probably wouldn't last long in the job, though. I think the administration would grow tired of my compulsion to include on all my orders lines from the movie "300" or pseudo-Schwarzeneggerian sign-offs: "Hasta la vista, terrorists! You have not a REMOTE chance of avoiding being DRONED und CRATERED!"
Another article profiles the teenager who unwittingly helped ignite the Syrian revolts that have so far left thousands dead and hundreds pf thousands displaced. The teenager (whom the paper does not name, for obvious reasons) inspired rebellion when he was arrested and tortured for participating in the relatively innocuous "crime" of anti-regime graffiti: "He watched his cousin spray-paint the wall of a school in the city of Dara’a with a short, impish challenge to President Bashar al-Assad, a trained ophthalmologist, about the spreading national revolts.
“'It’s your turn, doctor,' the cousin wrote."
All I can say is, an opthalmologist AND a sadistic dictator? SOMEBODY had quite the "Tiger Mom."
An increasingly popular app called Snapchat combines the availability of instantaneous chatting provided by Facebook and Twitter with the ephemerality of those dissolving cassettes at the beginning of every episode of "Mission: Impossible." It seems that people--especially younger folks--are growing weary of having every youthful indiscretion stored indefinitely on the world's servers. Snapchat messages and pictures automatically self-delete after a set period of time, encouraging people to express themselves more revealingly than they might do on a less transitory platform. I think this is a great idea, and I am already developing the app that I think will be the logical successor to Snapchat: I call it, "Talking to People."
In New York, the Department of Homeless Services is paying landlords thousands of dollars to rent rooms that would normally go for a few hundred. I would hereby like to officially offer up my spare bedroom (formerly known as SOS's room) for use by New York's Department of Homeless Services.
Finally, John Karlin, formerly of Bell Labs, has died. Actually, he died on January 28. I guess the Times delayed the announcement of Karlin's death to spare his family the crush of paparazzi that would otherwise have surely disrupted his funeral.
Who was John E. Karlin, you ask? (Don't pretend you know!) He was a pioneer in the field of industrial psychology, the study of the way that human beings interact on a psychological and emotional level with technology. The study of the way people interact physically with technology is known as ergonomics--or Japanese pornography.
Anyway, we largely have Karlin to thank for the layout of the touch-tone phone and its many descendants. Much time was spent deciding, for example, the appropriate size of the buttons, as well as their layout: lower numbers on top vs. lower numbers on bottom, that kind of thing. All I can say is, I'm glad Karlin's team rejected the proposed "QWERTY" keypad (or, more accurately, "KWERTY"), which would have had the top row go 5-9-3 and placed the "star" key (which even then nobody had a use for) where the seven is today. Rest in Peace, Mr. Karlin. To hear a eulogy, please press the pound key or remain on the line.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Thursday Trendwatch--Sunday Edition
10. HORMONE THERAPY
Why it's trending: Well, when has hormone therapy been anything other than trendy? All the Melky's are doing it! (Too soon?) Specifically, though, researchers have found that a short course of hormone therapy poses little risk for menopausal women and may, indeed, alleviate some of the more troubling symptoms of "the change," including hot flashes, increased sweating, and husband slaughter.
9. CHRIS MATTHEWS HOST
Why it's trending: After watching President Obama's lackluster debate performance against Mitt Romney, the host of "Hardball" suffered a not-so-mini meltdown, which--as much as I agree with his overall points--was kind of hilarious to watch. Anyway, Matthews is still mad. When last seen, he was running down the shoulder of I-95 in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, screaming "47%! 47%!"
An interesting sidenote: "The Chris Matthews Host" was the original name of "The Dave Matthews Band." Dave and the guys ultimately decided that didn't make much sense. True story.
8. BREAST CANCER AWARENESS
Why it's trending: October, is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." In the past, women-folk have observed BCAM by posting enigmatic Facebook status updates about the colors of their bras or the preferred resting places of their purses. While this may or may not have raised awareness of breast cancer, it DID make me aware of which of my female Facebook friends like to "go commando," so it wasn't a total loss.
7. HOMS, SYRIA
Why It's Trending: Homs, a rebel-held Syrian town on the Turkish border, has come under massive aerial attack by government forces. Turkey has returned cross-border fire. Syrian human rights groups, as well as international humanitarian organizations, have condemned the government's heavy-handed and indiscriminate attacks against a largely defenseless population. As developments unfold, the world watches with trepidation.
Meanwhile, in Homs, North Dakota, Zeke overslept, so he didn't open the bait and tackle shop until 6:15. "Might as well've not opened at all," said Big Merle, who had come by Zeke's at its normal 5:00 AM opening time to stock up on nightcrawlers, "'tain't gwineta be any fishes awake now." As developments unfold, the world watches with trepidation.
(Because Big Merle moved to North Dakota from Maine! OK, Anonymous?!?)
6. RUBEM ROBIERB
Why He's Trending: He's the fiance of Good Morning America weatherman Sam (not short for "Samantha") Champion (not short for "Championship Mud Wrestling Live from Reno"). Anyway, they're getting married. I hope they'll be happy, but I can't say I approve. Not because of the whole gay marriage thing; I just have a major problem with names that look like typos.
5. SAMSUNG GALAXY CAMERA
Why It's Trending: I guess it's a camera that's linked directly to the interwebs, thus enabling people to share pictures of their genitalia even faster and easier. As developments unfold, the world watches with trepidation.
4. STEVE JOBS TRIBUTE LAPTOPS
Why It's Trending: As the one-year anniversary of his death approaches, Steve Jobs is being memorialized by Uncover, a laser-cutting business. The company is engraving Jobs' image on three laptop computers that will be auctioned off for charity. While highly stylish, the computers' pancreases are extremely unreliable. (Too soon? It's been a year!)
3. COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Why It's Trending: Frankly, I'm surprised any time college football is NOT trending on a Sunday, given that the new rankings are released after Saturday's games. Making today extra special, though, is the fact that, in the last week, no major college programs have been fined, sanctioned, or otherwise penalized for financial improprieties or child molestation.
2. EARLY VOTING
Why It's Trending: An Ohio law that would have ended in-person early voting on the Friday before Election Day has been overturned by a federal appeals court. This is seen as a victory for President Obama, who received a substantial portion of the early votes in Ohio in 2008. While the Romney campaign sees this as a setback, spokesmen expressed confidence that voter suppression efforts in other states would prove more successful.
And the NUMBER-ONE TRENDIEST TOPIC AT THIS MOMENT ON THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM IS. . .
TALLADEGA RACE
Why It's Trending: You know, I've always suspected that NASCAR fans were a separate race. If not a whole different species! Good to know.
Why it's trending: Well, when has hormone therapy been anything other than trendy? All the Melky's are doing it! (Too soon?) Specifically, though, researchers have found that a short course of hormone therapy poses little risk for menopausal women and may, indeed, alleviate some of the more troubling symptoms of "the change," including hot flashes, increased sweating, and husband slaughter.
9. CHRIS MATTHEWS HOST
Why it's trending: After watching President Obama's lackluster debate performance against Mitt Romney, the host of "Hardball" suffered a not-so-mini meltdown, which--as much as I agree with his overall points--was kind of hilarious to watch. Anyway, Matthews is still mad. When last seen, he was running down the shoulder of I-95 in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, screaming "47%! 47%!"
An interesting sidenote: "The Chris Matthews Host" was the original name of "The Dave Matthews Band." Dave and the guys ultimately decided that didn't make much sense. True story.
8. BREAST CANCER AWARENESS
Why it's trending: October, is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month." In the past, women-folk have observed BCAM by posting enigmatic Facebook status updates about the colors of their bras or the preferred resting places of their purses. While this may or may not have raised awareness of breast cancer, it DID make me aware of which of my female Facebook friends like to "go commando," so it wasn't a total loss.
7. HOMS, SYRIA
Why It's Trending: Homs, a rebel-held Syrian town on the Turkish border, has come under massive aerial attack by government forces. Turkey has returned cross-border fire. Syrian human rights groups, as well as international humanitarian organizations, have condemned the government's heavy-handed and indiscriminate attacks against a largely defenseless population. As developments unfold, the world watches with trepidation.
Meanwhile, in Homs, North Dakota, Zeke overslept, so he didn't open the bait and tackle shop until 6:15. "Might as well've not opened at all," said Big Merle, who had come by Zeke's at its normal 5:00 AM opening time to stock up on nightcrawlers, "'tain't gwineta be any fishes awake now." As developments unfold, the world watches with trepidation.
(Because Big Merle moved to North Dakota from Maine! OK, Anonymous?!?)
6. RUBEM ROBIERB
Why He's Trending: He's the fiance of Good Morning America weatherman Sam (not short for "Samantha") Champion (not short for "Championship Mud Wrestling Live from Reno"). Anyway, they're getting married. I hope they'll be happy, but I can't say I approve. Not because of the whole gay marriage thing; I just have a major problem with names that look like typos.
5. SAMSUNG GALAXY CAMERA
Why It's Trending: I guess it's a camera that's linked directly to the interwebs, thus enabling people to share pictures of their genitalia even faster and easier. As developments unfold, the world watches with trepidation.
4. STEVE JOBS TRIBUTE LAPTOPS
Why It's Trending: As the one-year anniversary of his death approaches, Steve Jobs is being memorialized by Uncover, a laser-cutting business. The company is engraving Jobs' image on three laptop computers that will be auctioned off for charity. While highly stylish, the computers' pancreases are extremely unreliable. (Too soon? It's been a year!)
3. COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Why It's Trending: Frankly, I'm surprised any time college football is NOT trending on a Sunday, given that the new rankings are released after Saturday's games. Making today extra special, though, is the fact that, in the last week, no major college programs have been fined, sanctioned, or otherwise penalized for financial improprieties or child molestation.
2. EARLY VOTING
Why It's Trending: An Ohio law that would have ended in-person early voting on the Friday before Election Day has been overturned by a federal appeals court. This is seen as a victory for President Obama, who received a substantial portion of the early votes in Ohio in 2008. While the Romney campaign sees this as a setback, spokesmen expressed confidence that voter suppression efforts in other states would prove more successful.
And the NUMBER-ONE TRENDIEST TOPIC AT THIS MOMENT ON THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM IS. . .
TALLADEGA RACE
Why It's Trending: You know, I've always suspected that NASCAR fans were a separate race. If not a whole different species! Good to know.
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