Polka Dots Would Work, Too

Watching college football--which should give you some sense of my level of desperation.  Specifically, watching the festivities of "Capital One Bowl Week"--which runs from December 21 through January 1, which--I think--is more than a week.  Damn inflation.  Currently, the Buffalo Bulls (whose name just seems like an uncorrected typo) are squaring off against the San Diego Aztecs (because why should politically questionable nicknames remain confined to the NFL?) in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.

No, really.

Not clear on exactly what is "Famous": the Bowl, the potatoes, or perhaps the state of Idaho, itself.  OK, that doesn't seem likely: I KNOW people who have lived in Idaho, and I get no impression that anything there merits the appellation "famous."

The gridiron in Boise, by the way, is blue.  This takes some getting used to, but I personally think more football organizations should engage in this kind of experimentation.  After all, fields have been green since the days before color television (or so I would imagine). Shouldn't the Syracuse University Orangemen play on an appropriately pumpkin-hued field?  Imagine the disorientation experienced by visitors!   The home-field advantage would be nigh insurmountable!

For that matter, why do football fields have to be monochromatic at all?  Groundskeepers could provide a fresh color every ten yards.  The Super Bowl could become a rainbow-themed affair to brighten the heart of even the most football-averse viewer.

Close Calls!

The other day, on my way to work, I passed a scene of a terrible traffic accident.  A couple of trucks were overturned, and a small car, absolutely crushed, was lying nearby.  I don't know for sure, but I can't imagine anyone in that car escaping unscathed.  This made me think: If I had only left my house, say, ten minutes earlier, I might well have been in the middle of the chaos when this accident occurred!  Talk about a close shave!

And this made me think of another narrow escape from mortality: Several years ago, I was almost on a flight from JFK to Belgrade--a flight that experienced catastrophic mechanical failure minutes after take-off.  The plane crashed into the ocean: No survivors.  And if it hadn't been for the fact that I had no ticket for that flight, nor had I any reason to be travelling to Belgrade, I might very well have met my fate on that August night.

Of course, when I think about my close calls, I always shudder when I realize that, had I been President of the United States on November 22, 1963, I would almost surely be dead right now!

Really makes you think.

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Incidentally, according to my Blogger dashboard, "The Solipsist" is holding right now at 59,999 pageviews.  That means that, if you are the first reader of today's post, you will be the 60,000th visitor to this humble website!  Congratulations!  You have won exactly nothing!

Just Another Day at Solipsist Central (Workplace Edition)

(SOLIPSIST and COLLEAGUE OF SOLIPSIST are in the office. A pile of exams sits on the desk.  These exams have been read once, and they need to be read by a second instructor.)

SOLIPSIST: So, I finished the first reads on these if you want to get started on the second reads.

COS: OK.

(A former student of COLLEAGUE OF SOLIPSIST, who now works for SOLIPSIST, walks in.)

FORMER STUDENT: Oh, are you guys reading those tests again, already.

COS: Every semester. . . .

FS: Yeah.  You know (to SOLIPSIST) back when I took this class, you read my essay.

SOL: I did?

FS: Yup.

SOL: And. . . did I pass you?

FS: Yup.  (Exits.)

SOL: Y'know, that's really kind of disappointing. . . .Like finding out you had the chance to kill Hitler and didn't.

WHAT. . . Am I Going to Write about Tonight?

Awhile back, just for kicks, I went on to Google and typed the opening words to questions--who, what, when, where, why, and how--into the search bar.  I wanted to see what Google's top "suggestion" to complete the question would be.  Tonight, feeling at a loss for a post topic, I did this again.

As was the case last time, typing "Why" prompted Google to suggest "is the sky blue?"  This time around, "What" generated--unsurprisingly--"does the fox say?"  And "Who" led to "should I start?"--a nod to the ubiquity of fantasy football leagues.

I was intrigued, though, by the suggestions for "Where," "When," and "Who":

Where am I?
When is my birthday?
How old am I?

I can only conclude that Google users have lately suffered an inordinate amount of head trauma.