Solomoronic?

According to legend, when King Solomon was confronted by two women who both claimed to be the mother of an infant and begged Solomon to decide the matter, the king displayed his legendary wisdom by decreeing that, since it was impossible to determine the true mother's identity, the baby should be sliced in two and distributed equally between the plaintiffs.  The actual mother thereupon immediately renounced her claim, imploring Solomon simply to give the baby away rather than kill it.  The "Judgment of Solomon" has since become an exemplary tale of executive wisdom.

In Solomon's defense, there were no CSI-style DNA labs in ancient Israel, so a certain degree of improvisation was called for.  But this strategy has always struck me as somewhat questionable.  I mean, do you suppose the king was actually joking?  "Hey, guys, if you don't stop bickering, I'm just gonna chop the baby in half, OK?"  And while Solomon could certainly expect a mother to object to the violent slaughter of her own baby, what kind of uncivilized hellscape was he presiding over that he would expect the other woman to so casually accede to attempted infanticide?

If I were Solomon, I would be all like, "OK, not only do YOU (woman who protested) get the baby, but YOU (woman who was going to go along with it) need to check yourself into a mental hospital!"  Or, whatever passed for mental hospitals back in those days.  Cappadocia, maybe, I don't know.

Unparalleled

Any theoretical physicist--or, I don't know, "Star Trek" writer--will tell you that the universe we inhabit is just one of a presumably infinite number of parallel universes: alternate realities that exist more or less ""out of sync" with our own.  These universes are "there"--or maybe "here"--but not perceptible or reachable by us.  Anyway, in theory, anything that could possibly happen in this universe does happen in one or more of these alternate universes.  So if, for example, you go to a shopping center and, looking for a parking spot, turn left in the lot, then--in some other universe or universes--you actually turn right.  In our universe, you arrive at work at 9:03 AM; in another, at 8:57; and in still another at 9:00--or at 11:14 because you decided to stop over at the apartment of your mistress (which in that universe you have) for a quickie.

The more you think about this kind of thing, the more your mind begins to reel.  Because once you start considering the things that could change, you start to realize that the list of potential changes is, literally, endless--because in an infinite number of universes, literally anything can happen--and some would argue that every possibility must be true somewhere.  Thus, not only is there a universe where I weigh five pounds more than I do here, but there is also one where I weigh five pounds less--and one where I am the fattest human being on the planet!  And so are you!  You live in New York?  OK.  But in universe B you live in New Jersey--as hard as that may be to accept--and in another, somehow, you've ended up in the Seychelles!  Even though, in this universe, you don't even know where the Seychelles are!

In some universes, the Colonists lost the Revolutionary War with England, in some the South defeated the North, and in some Hitler won World War II.  And if that's not disturbing enough, consider this: In some universe, you are Hitler!

I wonder if there is some parallel universe wherein parallel universes don't exist.

OK, time for a nap.

Tuesday Musing

You know it's time to get back to the gym when you see a highway sign saying "Wide loads use right lane" and you take it personally.

More Musings

I blame the Lecters for naming their kid something that rhymes with "Cannibal."  If only they had named him "Heterinarian"!

All those wasted lives. . . .

More Musings

The Spanish word for 'lettuce' is 'lechuga,' which, to me, sounds vaguely frightening--like it would make a good title for a b-grade horror movie: "Tonight, on the Sci-Fi channel: 'Lechuga! Leaves of the Apocalypse.'"

More Musings

I have heard people complain that my posts lack depth.  A fair enough charge.  But they do possess width--especially if I play with the margins.

Hardly Sounds Thrifty

Exiting the local thrift shop, one passes under a sign inviting customers to "Come back tomorrow when another 4,000 new items will be put on sale."  This strikes me as geometrically implausible to say the least.  The store is already quite overflowing with stuff.  Sure, a fair amount of merchandise is sold every day, but enough to make space for 4,000 new items?  Every day?  Because if the amount of stuff added exceeds the amount of stuff sold by even a modest amount, the implications are unsettling.  You know those disaster movies about epidemic diseases?  There's always that scene in the miltary headquarters where a map of the world quickly turns red as the featured malady spreads exponentially.  I imagine something similar originating from the thrift shop.  Instead of deadly germs, though, the planet will find itself awash in second-hand purses and slightly-used copies of Joyce Carol Oates' We Were the Mulvaneys.  Time to change the defcon rating!

More Musings

In the movies, whenever a cop says, "Nothing to see here," not only is there something to see, but it's usually the coolest thing ever!

Deep Philosophical Ponderations

"You know what I've been thinking about lately?  If I had the opportunity either to give up the need for food or the need for sleep, which would I choose?  It's an interesting survey question, no?  I mean, these are two physical necessities that consume a great deal of one's time.  Imagine how much more productive one could be if one didn't have to interrupt one's activities periodically to eat--to say nothing of sleeping, which, if done according to the advice of experts, takes up about a third of one's life!  We'd all be better off, in a sense, if we did not have to eat and/or sleep.  At the same time, though, people undeniably derive pleasure from these activities: A fine meal, a peaceful nap on a lazy summer afternoon--these are true luxuries, and it could be argued that the enjoyment of such pleasures comprises part of what it is to be human.  Of course, if one were able to forego either eating or sleeping, then one would, in fact, be something OTHER than human--at least as we all understand the term.

"So, getting back to the original question: Which would you rather give up, assuming you could give one up.  If you were told that your stomach would never again rumble in hunger, or that you would never again feel weariness overtake you.  You could save all the money you currently spend on food.  You could make productive use of the time you now spend asleep--reading the books you've always wanted to read, writing the novel you've never had the time to compose.

"I think, for me, I would give up the need to eat.  I've never gotten a true sensual thrill from the gastronomic arts.  Oh, certainly, I've had some delicious meals, but, on the whole, I am truly one of those who eats to live rather than who lives to eat.  If I never had to satisfy my hunger, I would not feel I was missing much.  Sleep, on the other hand, is one of my great pleasures.  Curling up under a blanket on a chilly, rainy morning. Enjoying the strange worlds that populate my dreams.  I would be loath to give all that up.  And I think--in the case of sleep--I WOULD be giving it up.  After all, a person can still eat even if he does not NEED to do so--I think, in fact, most people do this on a regular basis: eat when they are not especially hungry, but merely out of a sense of ritual or schedule.  Sleep on the other hand, would seem to be impossible if one does not need to do it.  Have you ever tried to sleep when you are just not tired?  Not easy, is it?

"So, on the whole, while either option provides the possibility of a much more efficient and productive life, I would certainly forego the need for food, if given the choice, before I gave up the embrace of Morpheus."

"Um. . . That's great, Sir, but I just asked if you wanted fries with your burger."

More Musings

What is the average number of objects one can shake a stick at? And is the size and composition of the stick a factor?

More Musings

Had deconstructed fajitas for dinner.  I think that "deconstructed" entrees are just a chef's way of saying that he really can't be bothered anymore.

More Musings

I'm thinking I need to get me one of them Nobel Peace Prizes.  You know they come with, like, a million dollars!  True, I haven't done much for the cause of world peace, but neither had President Obama when he won his.  Maybe if I stop capping on Canada.  It'll be hard, but I think I might be able to do it.

More Musings

Some people may have taken umbrage at the fact that yesterday's (Veterans' Day) post failed to honor those who have served in our nation's military.  It is, of course, the privilege of those who subscribe to a solipsistic worldview to ignore such nods to convention.  I was glad to see, however, that Google supported the troops whole-heartedly in its daily "doodle," which yesterday presented a tribute to. . . Auguste Rodin's 172nd birthday.

Now there's a company that knows how not to pander!

Miscellaneous Musings

True story: Original title for "The Walking Dead"?  "The Sitting Dead."  I think they made the right choice.

Another Day of Musings

Today I went to a conference in Sacramento.  Just outside the city limits, a freeway sign read,

"Placerville                        44
Reno                                126
Ocean City, MD           3,074"

Unless, for some as yet unknown reason, a sizable contingent of Sacramentians travels regularly to Ocean City, I think this sign offers some insight into Californian governmental dysfunction.  What hope have we of achieving legislative cooperation when even the traffic signs are sarcastic?

More Musings

I like to think I'm an "outside-the-box" thinker.  But these days, everybody thinks outside the box.  What is one to do?  Think inside the box, of course!

Now THAT's some outside-the-box thinking!

WOS: Bra. Vo.

Apropos of Nothing

Got caught up at some stuff at work, and it's late, so I'll just share this thought: Being good is difficult, but being harmless is not.  Until you've mastered "good," strive for harmless.  Hippocrates was right.

More Musings

Simon Cowell.  Gordon Ramsay.  "Supernanny."

If Americans love Brits bossing them around so much, why exactly did we fight that revolution?

************************************

I just saw this on Yahoo!, and it's far too good not to pass along:

At the Arab Shooting Championship on Thursday (by the way, that's a shooting championship held in an Arab country--Kuwait--not an event where people shoot Arabs), Maria Dmitrienko of Kazakhstan won a gold medal.  As Dmitrienko stood on the podium, the Kazakh national anthem played over the arena's public-address system. . . only it wasn't the actual Kazakh anthem--it was the mock anthem from "Borat."

Dmitrienko was gracious about the whole thing, and why shouldn't she be?  She won a gold medal for shooting.  Her time will come.

A Couple of Random Thoughts for Wednesday

While he has virtually no chance of securing the Republican nomination and less chance of winning the presidency, we are confused by even the minimal enthusiasm Herman Cain's campaign has generated.  His supporter seems to base this enthusiasm on Cain's business success.  But how impressed can anyone be with his business acumen when he couldn't even beat out his business competitors--and these competitors included Domino's!
*************************

Something you don't want to hear from your computer tech-guy:

"Wow.  I've never seen THAT before!"

More Musings

"Dr. Who" fans make "Star Trek" fans look like football fans.


(And, yeah, we're looking forward to the new "Dr. Who," too.)