Happy (Re)Birthday Jesus

Easter confuses us. Of course, our knowledge of Christianity comes primarily from Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals. We've never understood why Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount from the balcony of the Argentine presidential palace. Or why he was wearing a cat costume.

Anyway.

As for Easter, we don't understand why it always comes on a different date. Everybody knows that Jesus was born on December 25. . . 0? Or would it be 12/25/01? And what do you suppose people thought when they all of a sudden had to start giving the years a number? "Hey, why is it the year '10, anyway?"

"Oh, you know, when Mr. and Mrs. Christ's baby was born, they declared it the year one."

"And, why did we all go along with that?"

"Uhh. . . ."

Anyway, shouldn't Easter happen on the same date every year, like all the other major holidays: July 4th, Halloween, Thanksgiving?

We're just saying.