The Shabab, which has pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda, has imposed a brutal reign in areas it controls, chopping off hands of petty thieves, lashing women for showing their ankles and beheading anyone deemed a spy. They also banned music, television, gold teeth and bras, branding them un-Islamic.
--"Shabab Concede Control of Capitol to Somalia Government"
Gold teeth? Bras?!? You get the feeling fundamentalists just sit around coming up with shit to declare "un-Islamic"? Thank Allah that the Reeseseses weren't from, like, Afghanistan. Mixing chocolate and peanut butter must be haram (forbidden). Not only would that happy accident not result in a delicious treat but it would likely end up in a beheading.
Can you imagine the minutes of a Mullah-meeting?
"Last week we declared the following things haram: CD players, DVDs, mini-skirts, gold jewelry, silver jewelry, platinum jewelry, and jewelry; chocolate, cigarettes, chocolate cigarettes, and waffles; and seasons 3 through 5 of 'Lost.'
"We have discussed several items since the last meeting and have made the following additions to the haram list:
--Plungers
--"Star Trek" (the Klingon language sounds too much like Hebrew)
--The works of Carrot Top
--Flounder (too Jewish)
--Any use of the word "philately" (we don't know what it means, but it sounds dirty)
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[Please direct your fatwas to the offices of former Senator Rick Santorum--oh, and add "Santorum" to the list of forbidden things. Go ahead, Google it. You'll thank us later.]
