It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Super-Mayor

As the presidential campaign heats up, we can look forward to inevitable photo ops of Mitt Romney and Barack Obama hoisting brewskis and wielding hunting rifles to prove their manly-man bona fides.  With luck, we will avoid a Dukakis-in-a-tank or John-Kerry-windsurfing moment.

They might as well give up, though, because Newark, NJ, mayor Cory Booker has clinched the title of America's Machoest Pol, by carrying a woman out of a burning building.  Let me repeat that: On Thursday, the mayor of Newark, NJ, CARRIED A WOMAN OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING.

While I applaud Mayor Booker's courage, I worry about the precedent.  We can't have our municipal chief executives risking life and limb every time a fire breaks out or a cat needs to be rescued from a tree.  These men (and women) have budget committee meetings to oversee.

More worrisome, though, is the thought that other politicians, competitive by nature, will see Booker's actions as a challenge. But Booker, 42, is probably in better shape than your average politician.

I would hate for New York's Michael Bloomberg to feel that he needs to match his cross-river counterpart rescue for rescue.  It's unnerving enough that Bloomberg frequently pilots his own helicopter all around New York; he may decide to start hunting down drug dealers or battling the Staten Island insurgency to keep up with Booker.

Politicians should stick to doing what they do best: clogging the arteries of the body politic.  Leave the heroics to the heroes.  (Although if Rep. Paul Ryan feels like running into a burning building, more power to him.)
 

Happy Anniversary to ME

Oooohhh. . . . Ooooooo. .  . .Yeah, baby!  That's the. . . . Ohhhhh . . . .

New. . . foot massager. . . .for anniversary. . . .  Can't talk. . . . More tomorrow. . . .


Oooooohhhhh. . . .

The Daily Headdesk

Hilary Rosen, a Democratic political strategist, created a mini-firestorm when she commented that Ann Romney, wife of presumptive Republican nominee Mitt, had never worked a day in her life.  Mrs. Romney pointed out that, as a mother of five, she had done more than her fair share of work, and Republican operatives wasted no time in portraying Ms. Rosen--and by extension Democrats in general and the Obama administration in particular--as enemies of stay-at-home moms in particular and women in general.

Whew!

First, it should be noted that Hilary Rosen does not work for the Obama campaign.  Furthermore, while no one should denigrate mothers' work, everyone knows that Hilary Rosen (a mother herself, by the way) was not doing that.  Sure, she probably should have said--and no doubt wishes she HAD said--that Ann Romney has never had to work a day in her life to support her family.  But everyone, including indignant Republican ops who are shocked--shocked!--by Comrade Rosen's blatant hostility towards motherhood and all things American, knows that is precisely what she meant.

Moreover, they know it's true, which is why nobody is engaging her on the merits of her statement.

The truly goat-getting part of all this was Ann Romney's response.

Mrs. Romney had responded. . .to Ms. Rosen, saying that "my career choice was to be a mother” and adding that people need to “respect choices that women make.” Pushing back against the comment, she added: “She should have come to my house when those five boys were causing so much trouble. It wasn’t so easy.” . . . Mrs. Romney insisted that “I know what it’s like to struggle.” “Maybe I haven’t struggled as much financially as some people have,” she said. “I can tell you and promise you that I’ve had struggles in my life.”

As disingenuous as the other responses to Rosen's comments are, this one raises things to the proverbial whole 'nother level.

Look, Ann, no one is saying that you--and, for that matter, ALL parents--and, for that matter, all PEOPLE--don't struggle. But that minor qualification about not having to struggle financially WAS THE WHOLE POINT!  Every mother faces the exact same maternal struggles you did, but 99.9% of them didn't have the financial resources you did to help them deal with those struggles. I could, of course, be wrong, but I'll wager--let's say 1% of my net worth vs. 1% of your husband's--that you had a nanny or two to assist you with those five kids.

Whaddya say? Wanna bet?

Ask The Solipsist

Dear The Solipsist:

Every time I hear someone referrin' to a "YouTube video," I find meself stuck for a moment thinkin' they're speakin' of a "U2 video."  I used to feel what I can only consider to be understandable pride in the continued popularity of our little Dubliner punk foursome, but lately it's gotten annoyin'.  When I hear talk o' "U2 videos," I start to wonderin' whether I'm missin' out on royalties, which could be put to truly noble use!  Microloans for Indonesian kelp fishers!  A new library for the war-widows of Guinea-Bissau!

D'ye think I'd be actin' too much the bouncin' caffler if I were to ask people simply to enunciate the 'B' in "YouTUBE," so as not to be causin' me such distress? 

Yours,

Bono
______________________________________________

Dear Bono (if that is your real name):

While I understand your distress, I think you need to look at the big picture: You're a world-famous rock star, worshipped by millions, who will probably win the Nobel Peace Prize before even I do.  I think you should just ignore the whole issue.  It's not worth getting upset about.  Be mellow.  Just ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"  Or better yet, Edge.

PS: Why do you write with an Irish accent?

Survey: 4 Out of 5 Baseball Fans Want a "Pitcher," Not a "Belly Itcher"

Atlanta--Confirming a long-hypothesized bias among baseball enthusiasts, researchers have completed a multi-year longitudinal study that asked fans of major league teams--as well as Pittsburgh Pirates' fans--whether they preferred a "pitcher" or a "belly itcher."  Overall, 79.9% of fans opted for a pitcher, with only 16.4% choosing a belly itcher; 3.2% of respondents were undecided, and a handful expressed no preference.

"The results were pretty much what we expected," commented lead researcher Bob Stanhope of Emory University.  "If anything, we were surprised at the amount of people who actually did want a belly itcher."

In conducting the survey, researchers took numerous variables into account, controlling for stadium-dimensions, team fielding percentage, and Barry Zito.  Among fans of individual teams, the percentage of those preferring a pitcher to a belly itcher ranged from a high of 92.4% among fans of the Philadelphia Phillies to a low of 68.4% for Houston Astros fans, who have largely given up.

In a companion study, 73.8% of fans opted for a "catcher" over a "belly scratcher."

Just Another Day at Solipsist Central

(In the commercial, a group of men are riding in an SUV.  The car stops periodically, allowing one of the men to hop out of the car and check his cellphone.  Invariably, he returns to the car, frustrated--we assume because he can't get a signal.  Eventually, the SUV pulls into a spot surrounded by trees.  This time, when Cellphone Man jumps out of the truck, he is happy.  A close-up on the phone, however, reveals that he NOW has no bars.  Turns out this is a commercial not for a wireless carrier, but for the SUV that has allowed this group of good buddies to escape the confines of civilization.  They are now unreachable.)

SOLIPSIST: So. . . these guys are gay?

WOS: Wha--  Why would you--  What is wrong with you?!?

SOL: I'm just saying. . . .A group of guys. . . The wilderness. . . . I've seen 'Deliverance.'

WOS: It doesn't mean these guys are gay!  Maybe they're just. . .looking for yetis or something.

SOL: 'Looking for yetis'?  Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

WOS: I give up.

Rage, Rage against the Dying of the Light!

So, my the power cord to my laptop is no longer usable.  Cat-related incident--not worth discussing.  I've ordered a new one, and it was SUPPOSED to arrive on Friday.  Suffice to say, it hasn't.  I am unsure how much longer my battery will hold out, so, for today, allow me just to wish Solpsist Nation a "Happy Easter"--or, if you're Jewish, "Happy Zombie Jesus Day."