Double-Plus Not-Unhostile

President Obama overruled the advice of two senior lawyers when he decided to continue American participation in the assault on Libya without Congressional authorization. The decision rested on the definition of the word "hostilities." If American actions constitute "hostilities," then the President must seek Congressional authorization to continue them beyond 60 days. If the actions constitute something else, he does not.

While there are no US troops on the ground in Libya, and other NATO countries have taken the lead in the armed conflict, Rep. John Boehner (R-Lachrymosia) pointed out that the US was launching drone strikes and spending some $10 million a day as part of an effort to bomb the hell out of Moammar Qaddafi's compounds. He suggested that this should, properly, be considered "hostilities." We hate to agree with Boehner, but there is some seriously Orwellian shit going on here.

If the US is not engaged in "hostilities," how should we define the country's activities in Libya. A quick search of the thesaurus provides some possible alternative terms that could forestall the need for Congressional approval. Let's see. . . . Perhaps we're engaged in enmities? Manufacturing malevolence? Instigating inimicalities? Wait, here we go. Here's a synonym for "hostilities" that seems to get at exactly what's happening in northern Africa and that should satisfy everybody:

War.

Solipsistography
"2 Top Lawyers Lost to Obama in Libya War Policy Debate"

Day Off

Hi all.

We've been busy grading papers all day, and the thought of typing more words today makes us. . . .Uh. . .makes us. . . [blrp]. . . that is. . . .Uh. EXCUSE US!!!!

. . .

Ah, that's a little better. We plan to be back tomorrow.

The Brotherhood of the Non-Traveling Pants

We grow weary of underwear scandals. First, Anthony Weiner, now DeShon Marman. Marman, a 20-year-old University of New Mexico student athlete, was arrested yesterday at San Francisco International Airport after refusing a request from a female US Airways flight attendant that he pull his pants up. Marman, whose baggy pants dangled gravity-defyingly from his buttocks, was then asked to leave the plane. He refused, police were called, and Marman was taken into custody.

Now, especially since 9/11, we've all been conditioned to obey the orders of airplane flight crews as if they were Stalinist diktats. Marman should, therefore, simply have complied with the flight attendant's not-particularly-onerous request. In fairness to the young man, he was returning to New Mexico after attending the funeral of a friend, so he was probably not in the best mental state to be approached with what might seem to be an arbitrary and petty request. More troubling than Marman's behavior, though, was the airline's justification.

We assumed baggy pants posed some sort of safety issue, potentially impeding Marman's ability to flee a burning airplane. Under those coditions, though, pants would be the least of one's worries, compared to 100 or so other passengers kicking and clawing to get out. Given Marman's athletic abilities (he plays football at UNM), his baggy pants simply level the wreckage-fleeing playing field.

But safety was not the issue. Marman was ejected for failure to comply with the US Airways dress code (!), which "forbids indecent exposure or inappropriate attire." Give credit to US Airways for shameless candor.

We can sympathize with people offended by the baggy pants look, but, really, the fashion has been with us for some 20 years now. It's hard to believe that Marman's exposure was somehow more "indecent" than that of any number of other US Airways passengers over the last two decades who were not asked to deplane. It is possible, of course, that US Airways has always asked everyone who wears baggy pants to pull them up or get off, but we doubt it. We suspect we would have heard a story like that before, and, indeed, that Mr. Marman himself would then be less likely to flout such a rule. We also cannot help but wonder whether race played a part in the flight attendant's request (we have no specific information about that). A private company may indeed have the "right to refuse service to anyone," but we would hope they are consistent in their reasoning.

In closing, we would like to send a message to DeShon Marman: Sir, we sympathize with your loss. Furthermore, we believe whole-heartedly in your right to free expression. We hope you will not be prosecuted for this minor infraction. Finally, though, we recommend that, in future, you pick your battles carefully and comply with reasonable requests from flight attendants and the like.

Besides, those baggy pants make you look like an idiot.

Solipsistography
"Baggy Pants Lead to Player's Arrest at SF Airport"

In Case You Missed It

Just a brief post today. In case you missed it, Stephen Colbert talked about this on his show the other night: Freestyle Canoeing.

In our never-ending quest for "the stupidest thing we've ever seen," we think we've found our new front-runner.

And the Tony Goes to. . . .

"The King's Speech" is a delightful, intelligent, and beautifully acted entertainment. It should not, however, have won the Academy Award for Best Picture for one very simple reason: It's not a movie. It's a fairly high-budget play.

Strip away everything--absolutely everything--from "The King's Speech" except for the scenes between the Duke of York/George VI (Colin Firth) and Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush), and the movie loses none of its emotional impact. The entire story could be told with two actors in minimal costumes in a black-box theater. For a set, get a couple of chairs, a couch, a desk; for props, a tape recorder, a victrola, a microphone, and not much else. Virtually none of the story's major plot points happen outside of Logue's office. The only one that comes immediately to mind is a scene between the Duke of York and King Edward VII, wherein the latter essentially admits that he has no intention of either fulfilling his kingly duties or confronting the growing threat posed by Hitler's Germany. It's a good scene, but one that could easily be summarized by the Duke in conversation with Logue.

We have nothing against the idea of filming plays and showing them on cinema screens: For those not lucky enough to live in New York or other big-time theater towns, this may be the best or only way to see great theater. But the Academy Awards should recognize those filmmakers who have made major contributions to film. "The King's Speech" should have won a Tony.

Close Reading: The Black Book

Tomorrow, the Solipsist begins teaching his "Grammar and Style" class. One of the class objectives--really the primary one--is to teach students to think carefully about the way writers use words and construct sentences--in short, how they write. To practice what he preaches, the Solipsist occasionally does some close reading of his own. Thus, we present here a brief style-analysis of the opening paragraph of The Black Book by Orhan Pamuk. What makes writing work (or not)? How do writers utilize the tools of their trade to affect their readers?

(A caveat: Nobel laureate Orhan Pamuk is a Turkish novelist. The novel under discussion was translated by Guneli Gun. Along with our readers, we are left to ponder how much of what we discuss here reflects choices of the novelist as opposed to the translator.)

The opening paragraph:

Ruya slept on her stomach in the sweet and warm darkness under the blue-checkered quilt which covered the entire bed with its undulating, shadowy valleys and soft blue hills. The first sounds of the winter morning penetrated the room: carts passing by sporadically and old buses, the salep maker, who was in cahoots with the pastry man, banging his copper jugs up and down on the sidewalk, the whistle of the shill at the dolmus stop. The navy-blue drapes leached out the leaden winter light that came into the room. Galip, languid with sleep, studied his wife’s head which poked out of the quilt: Ruya’s chin was buried in the down pillow. In the curve of her brow there was something surreal that brought on anxious curiosity about the wondrous events that took place inside her head. “Memory,” Jelal had written in one of his columns, “is a garden.” Then Galip had thought: Gardens of Ruya, Gardens of Dreaming. Don’t think, don’t think! If you do, you will suffer jealousy. But Galip couldn’t help thinking as he studied his wife’s brow.

It is significant that the novel begins with the (non-)action of a man (Galip) staring at his wife (Ruya), who is mostly hidden underneath a blanket: This foreshadows the primary action of the novel, which consists of Galip's search for his wife, after she mysteriously disappears later on that day.

The style of the paragraph, too, sets the tone. Notice that, while the paragraph is dense with description, heavy with words, it features comparatively few clauses--less than twenty subject-verb units. Moreover, only a third of the verbs are transitive (i.e., possessing a direct object). This helps create a feeling of "internality": Characters like Galip have very little impact on things in the world; their actions are self-contained. Note also that two of the transitive verbs have Ruya as their object: "Galip. . .studied his wife's head"; ". . .he studied his wife's brow." As she will be in the rest of the novel, Ruya is the primary object in Galip's life.

Play with the paragraph yourself. See what you come up with.

Team Loses Championship, Blames Terminally Ill 9-Year-Old to Whom Game was "Dedicated"

Wichita Falls, KS--The Donnerville State men's baseball team was trounced in the championship game, 11-0, by arch-rival Pemberton College. Donnerville blamed the loss on 9-year-old Timmy Williamson, who is suffering from an unpronounceable terminal illness.

"Timmy's our biggest fan," explained Donnerville captain, shortstop Mickey Throughton. "He came to our games before he got too sick to leave the hospital. He sent us really cute drawings. So, as a team we decided to dedicate the championship game to him. And we lost! Thanks a lot, Cancer Kid!"

"We really wanted to give it our all," said manager Don "Doc" Martinson. "But then, [Pemberton's] leadoff batter hit the first pitch out of the park. After that, I think we all got really depressed. And thinking of Timmy lying in bed twitching certainly didn't make us feel any better."

"Frankly, I don't know what we were thinking," said Donnerville's top slugger, Vaughn Chandler, who went 0-4 with three strikeouts, including one in the 3rd inning with the bases loaded. "I mean, Timmy can't even sit up by himself. What kind of an inspiration is that for a bunch of athletes."

Pemberton starting pitcher and championship MVP, Stan "The Dude" Wisniewski, agreed. "I mean, look, the night before the game, I met this hot girl. She told me that, if I won, she'd [********] my [********] while her [**********] [********] me with a [**********] and [**********] under my [**********]. I dedicated this game to her, and, well, you see what happened."

Reached by a reporter, Timmy's family apologized to the Donnerville squad. "We just feel bad that their whole season went down the tubes after they dedicated the game to Tim," said Timmy's father Ralph Williamson. "We plan to have a long talk with our son about his attitude if and when he regains consciousness."