Wichita Falls, KS--The Donnerville State men's baseball team was trounced in the championship game, 11-0, by arch-rival Pemberton College. Donnerville blamed the loss on 9-year-old Timmy Williamson, who is suffering from an unpronounceable terminal illness.
"Timmy's our biggest fan," explained Donnerville captain, shortstop Mickey Throughton. "He came to our games before he got too sick to leave the hospital. He sent us really cute drawings. So, as a team we decided to dedicate the championship game to him. And we lost! Thanks a lot, Cancer Kid!"
"We really wanted to give it our all," said manager Don "Doc" Martinson. "But then, [Pemberton's] leadoff batter hit the first pitch out of the park. After that, I think we all got really depressed. And thinking of Timmy lying in bed twitching certainly didn't make us feel any better."
"Frankly, I don't know what we were thinking," said Donnerville's top slugger, Vaughn Chandler, who went 0-4 with three strikeouts, including one in the 3rd inning with the bases loaded. "I mean, Timmy can't even sit up by himself. What kind of an inspiration is that for a bunch of athletes."
Pemberton starting pitcher and championship MVP, Stan "The Dude" Wisniewski, agreed. "I mean, look, the night before the game, I met this hot girl. She told me that, if I won, she'd [********] my [********] while her [**********] [********] me with a [**********] and [**********] under my [**********]. I dedicated this game to her, and, well, you see what happened."
Reached by a reporter, Timmy's family apologized to the Donnerville squad. "We just feel bad that their whole season went down the tubes after they dedicated the game to Tim," said Timmy's father Ralph Williamson. "We plan to have a long talk with our son about his attitude if and when he regains consciousness."
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