Desk Job

The desk at which Bram Stoker wrote Dracula will be sold at auction in December.  The auction house expects the desk to go for between $60,000 and $80,000, so, y'know, if you're looking for a Channukah gift for your favorite blogger....

A British furniture-artist (apparently Britain has such things) has pimped out the desk, attempting to maintain its classic "essence" but also incorporating "embroidered imagery. . . including bats, a savage hound and scrolling rose thorns and buds."

I'm not sure how I feel about these "improvements."  If someone told me he was the proud owner of Bram Stoker's desk and then showed me this gothic escritoire replete with bats and bones, I would think I was being punked.  I wouldn't want to accept the idea that something so tacky would once have belonged to so famous a man of letters.

If you must buy furniture of literary significance, I understand the chair in which Philip Roth sat while composing Portnoy's Complaint will come up for bid soon.  THAT one, I might consider  reupholstering.

Yeah, I Know: Too Soon

In a bit of storm-induced clarity, officials have cancelled the. . .let's say 986th. . . running of the New York City Marathon, which was to have occured this Sunday.  No doubt Mayor Bloomberg and advisers envisioned the Verrazano Bridge starting line--thousands of carbo-loaded ectomorphs fleeing the Sandy-devastated Isle of Staten, escorted by police cars and camera trucks--and considered the optics less than, well, optimal.

Honestly, I'm disappointed.  Not only could the race have infused much-needed cash into the city's economy, but the timing would have been perfect!  Think about it.  With clocks set back an hour early Sunday morning, the runners would be well-rested.  And consider the TV ratings!

I know, I know: Nobody watches the New York City Marathon--or any marathon, for that matter, unless it has something like "Twilight Zone" in front of it.  (You know I'm right.)  But this year?  With runners navigating flooded streets, downed powerlines, and decimated neighborhoods filled with angry New Yorkers? We're not talking about a bunch of people on a two-plus hour jog.  We're talking a potential grand guignol worthy of Stephen King!  We're talking Olympics meets X-Games meets "The Walking Dead"!

And you want hometown drama?  This could be the year that an American reclaims the marathon title! Sure, East Africans have mastered the art of long-distance running.  But throw in an obstacle course of waterlogged tree carcasses cannibalistic East Villagers, and a 70% chance of crocodiles, and I would say the playing field has been leveled.

Mayor Bloomberg, there's still time.  I hope you will reconsider.

Worst Case Scenario, I Find Out How My Car Looks Covered in Toilet Paper

People assure me that Trick-or-Treaters still exist.  I don't believe it myself.  Every year, in the late afternoon of October 31, I smack myself in the head and rush to the supermarket to stock up on dispensable candy.  (As opposed to the late afternoon of every other day, when I simply smack myself in the head.)  And every November 1 for about the last decade or so, I stare at a mountain of undispensed candy.  Of course, I have no doubt that the one year I decide not to bother will be the year the Trick-or-Treaters return.  I will then improvise: Loose change! Post-it notes! Individually-wrapped slices of American cheese!

One time, I did forget about Halloween.  Sure enough, three adorable princesses knocked on the door.  I had a tin of cookies.  Luckily, the princesses were distracted by my adorable kitty cat, and so begrudgingly accepted the stale baked goods.  Actually, in a pinch, I guess I could just distribute cats.

In Case You Missed It. . .

While President Obama has received effusive praise from New Jersey governor Chris Christie for the administration's prompt response to the devastation wrought by Hurrican Sandy, former Arkansas governor and current talk-show agitator Mike Huckabee has warned Christians that they will go to Hell if they vote for Obama on November 6th.  Huckabee, of course, once sought the Republican presidential nomination.  He also once weighed close to 300 pounds.  I'm thinking he's just jealous of Christie's stature as the great round hope of the GOP.  So while the Jersey governor earns plaudits for putting the needs of his state above the dictates of petty party politics, Huckabee wants to stay relevant in whatever way he can, even if--especially if?--that means engaging in the basest form of mudslinging.

I got nothin'.

Hope all is well with East Coast Sloppists.  Romney's a moron.  Cats are cute.

ADvantage Obama

Given how much money candidates spend on advertising, one would imagine that ads have some impact.  I guess for a truly undecided voter, an informative advertisement has value--assuming there are informative advertisements.  I doubt such an animal exists.

I say this in a completely non-partisan spirit: Democratic ads are just as pointless as Republican ones (if less offensive to every tenet of basic human decency--but I digress).  After all, an ad placed by a candidate will highlight either the good things done by that candidate or the bad things done by his or her opponent; such ads can hardly satisfy a voter's need for objective information.  Sure, advertising does serve a purpose in generating name recognition, but anyone unfamiliar with the names "Obama" or "Romney" at this point in the game probably shouldn't be voting anyway.

Here's an interesting tidbit about this season's political advertising binge: With all that we've been hearing about super PACs' baleful influence on the political process, it seems that the President--ostensibly less-favored by the big money interests--has held his own quite nicely.  In fact, according to an article in today's Times, ads favoring President Obama have outpaced ads favoring Mitt Romney, approximately 160,000 to 140,000--despite the fact that Republicans have outspent Democrats, roughly $500 million to $400 million.  In other words, despite spending approximately 25% more on advertising, Republicans have placed about 12.5% FEWER ads.

And just remember, the standard-bearer of the Republican Party bases his claim to the presidency on his business acumen.

A Day Off

Between the New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants, I have neither the time nor focus to do much right now in the way of writing.  Instead, here's an article from Times columnist Thomas L. Friedman, who took the week off from pontificating about all-things-globalized to offer some relevant points on the seemingly endless stream of GOP outrages to common sense and decency.  Worth a read.  Go Giants!