Rush Limbaugh's Head Might Explode!

In 2007, Edith Windsor married her girlfriend, Thea Spyer.  When Thea died in 2009, Edith inherited Thea's property, but, because of the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), she could not claim spousal inheritance rights.  She was assessed over $360,000 in taxes on her inheritance--taxes she would not have owed had her marriage to Spyer (which was performed in Canada) been recognized by the federal government.  Yesterday, however, a federal appeals court ruled in Edith's favor, declaring that such provisions of DOMA discriminated against homosexuals.  Many observers speculate that this case will go to the Supreme Court, which will then rule once and for all on the constitutionality of same-sex marriage.

The appeals court made the right decision, of course.  But let's take a moment to acknowledge those who will suffer because of this ruling: Teabaggers.  Consider the quandary faced by poor Michele Bachmann, for example. If the Minnesota Congresswoman clings to her well-documented antagonism toward same-sex marriage--and homosexuality in general, which she has called "personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement"--she will find herself in the equally unpalatable position--to her--of defending the rights of the IRS--an agency that she worked for only because, as she claimed, she had to "know her enemy."  And not just any rights, either, but the right to seize hundreds of thousands of dollars from a widowed octogenarian!  OK, a widowed octogenarian who shall burn in hellfire for her deviant lifestyle, but still!

If Bachmann possessed the intellectual capacity to appreciate irony, I'm sure even she would be tickled.

And Huge in Riyadh!

What the hell?!?  The ruler of Saudi Arabia has given women the vote?  Is nothing sacred--excuse me, halal?!?  Next thing you know, they'll be able to drive!  What's that?  They're still not allowed to drive?  Well, OK, then. . . .

Seriously, what's this guy thinking? Women will have the right to vote AND to run for and hold elected office (but, as mentioned, not to drive--don't worry!).  Has he really thought this through?  Look at what just this sort of reckless progressivism has done to America: We came within a few hundred-thousand votes of being one heartbeat away from President Palin!

Wait a second.  Hold the phone!  I just had a great idea:

Hey, Saudi Arabia, can we interest you in Michelle Bachmann?  Yes, she has a bit of Jesus-fixation, but her medieval views on homosexuality, premarital sex, criminal justice, and the properly subservient role of women in marriage should fit in nicely in the Kingdom.  They'll love her in Jidda!

She'll Be Back (Mann)

"Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota drew booming applause. . .when she pledged to confront the establishment, declaring, 'Behind this dress is a titanium spine!'"
--"Republicans Jockey as a Big Week Begins in Iowa"

Beyond the questionable choice of preposition--aren't spines usually "under" dresses?--Rep. Bachmann's comment sheds light on one of the more confounding mysteries of President Obama's time in office, specifically, his apparent unwillingness to stand up to the more extreme elements of the Republican party. It occured to us that President Obama bears a passing resemblance to noted character actor Joe Morton:

Hey, we'd cast him for the Obama biopic--he even played a senator running for president in an episode of "House."

Anyway, this explains everything!  Because Morton, as Dr. Miles Bennet, came to a bad end in a movie--at the hands of a killer with--wait for it--A TITANIUM SPINE!

(OK, the T1000's spine was PROBABLY made of some kind of weird titanium-esque alloy, but the point is still valid.)

Look, the point is this.  We understand Obama's fear, but we NEED him to step up.  Maybe Hillary can channel her inner Linda Hamilton and help him beat Bachmann.  Here in California, we've had some experience with "titanium-spined" executives.

 

It didn't work out too well.