The Daily Outrage

Well-wishes have poured in from around the blogosphere in response to the 1,000th installment of "The Solipsist."  I received very few actual gifts.  Don't feel bad, though, folks; I'm still accepting presents.  Besides, what I got from Pat Robertson will tide me over for some time: On Tuesday, the Right Reverend Voldemort counseled one of his followers on "The 700 Club" that divorce--while generally frowned upon by self-righteous rightists like him--is perfectly OK . . . if your spouse has Alzheimer's.

Context: Robertson was responding to a caller who was asking about a friend (yeah, a "friend") who had started seeing another woman after his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  Robertson, predictably, frowned on the adultery and counseled that the husband "should divorce [his wife], and start all over again."

Now, I know what you're thinking, "What kind of scumbag is this douche?" Or, perhaps, "What kind of douchebag is this scum?"  Or, simply, "What the fuck?!?"  We hasten to point out, though, that Robertson only advocates spousal abandonment if the "friend" first "make[s] sure [his wife] has custodial care and someone looking after her."

Custodial care, of course, costs more than a little money.  Still, assuming the husband's insured, this shouldn't be a major problem.  Oh, wait, the wife will lose the husband's coverage after he, y'know, divorces her.  But THAT must be why Robertson so vocally supported President Obama's healthcare reform package. I mean, he RAVED about how healthcare reform would be part of some "socialist colossus"!  Oh. . . he didn't mean that in a good way, did he?  Well, his followers support it, anyway: That's why they've gone to court to say that it. . .uh. . . it. . .it violates the Constitution.

This isn't looking so good, is it?

Robertson justifies his matrimonial advice on the basis that spousal abandonment of an Alzheimer's sufferer is compatible with the whole "'Til death do us part" of the wedding vow because Alzheimer's is "a kind of death."  Well that solves everything, doesn't it? The poor, addled, soon-to-be-discarded former love-of-someone's life doesn't need health-care! SHE'S DEAD ALREADY, DUDE!  KICK HER TO THE CURB!

We should point out that this advice applies only to heterosexual couples.  If you're in one of them queer marriages, then the Alzheimer's is just God's way of saying "Told ya so," and you have to stick with each other to the bitter end.  But at least you'll have insurance.