For nearly four years now (!), I've kept up this blog on a near-daily basis. I don't know exactly how. Many was the day--perhaps you could tell--when I truly had nothing to say. And yet I managed to crank out a paragraph or to in order to say it (nothing, that is). A dubious achievement, to be sure, but an achievement, nonetheless. Lately, though, I've slacked off. Very few of my recent endeavors have risen to the level of acceptability--not much I would consider placing in any compilation of the Solipsist's greatest hits.
There are some things going on in my personal life, which are probably taking a toll. Well, definitely taking a toll. I know I'm less-focused on this blog than I might otherwise be. I don't think, though, that this wholly explains my meager output. Honestly, I suspect it has something to do with the weather. I generally scoff at such pharmaceutically-promoted "diseases" as "seasonal affective disorder": Sorry, but if a condition was unknown before a treatment was miraculously invented, said condition doesn't really exist. Still, the Bay Area has been in the grip of something of a cold snap the past few days, and it does wear one down.
To be clear, Northern California temperatures cannot begin to compare to the arctic conditions across the Midwest and Northeast. In a way, though, the relative mildness makes things worse: It's just cold enough outside to be truly uncomfortable, without being cold enough to require massive bundling or supplying such picturesque touches as snow and icicles. The result is a general chill in the air that seeps right into the bones, making one feel vaguely fluish without, knock wood, actually suffering the disease.
My point is: Not conducive to anything resembling creative output. I cling to the hope that this, too, shall pass soon and I'll be back to my normal loquacious self.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Mandela No Shoo-In for Hall of Fame
As the world mourns the passing of Nelson Mandela, the former South African president and an internationally revered icon of peace and humanity, a debate has flared anew over whether the late Nobel laureate deserves enshrinement in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
While Mandela's lifetime accomplishments in the promotion of human rights remain unparalleled, his lifetime batting average compares unfavorably with that of sluggers like Bill Mazeroski (2001) and Harmon Killebrew (1984), and his power-numbers are similarly underwhelming. Furthermore, unlike fellow civil rights icon Jackie Robinson, Mandela won neither a Rookie of the Year nor a Most Valuable Player award during his career.
Mandela always displayed great plate discipline, leading to an impressive number of walks, and few will forget the key role he played toward the end of his career in helping the Milwaukee Braves knock off the Yankees in the 1957 World Series. Still, the fact that he never finished higher than third in any race for a batting title--to say nothing of his frankly embarrassing numbers when he briefly tried his hand at pitching (1-7, 5.96 ERA, 32 walks, 14 strikeouts)--will likely doom his chances at enshrinement in Cooperstown.
The Hall of Fame Veterans Committee will consider Mandela's bid for membership, along with the posthumous candidacies of the Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and players' union director Marvin Miller.
While Mandela's lifetime accomplishments in the promotion of human rights remain unparalleled, his lifetime batting average compares unfavorably with that of sluggers like Bill Mazeroski (2001) and Harmon Killebrew (1984), and his power-numbers are similarly underwhelming. Furthermore, unlike fellow civil rights icon Jackie Robinson, Mandela won neither a Rookie of the Year nor a Most Valuable Player award during his career.
Mandela always displayed great plate discipline, leading to an impressive number of walks, and few will forget the key role he played toward the end of his career in helping the Milwaukee Braves knock off the Yankees in the 1957 World Series. Still, the fact that he never finished higher than third in any race for a batting title--to say nothing of his frankly embarrassing numbers when he briefly tried his hand at pitching (1-7, 5.96 ERA, 32 walks, 14 strikeouts)--will likely doom his chances at enshrinement in Cooperstown.
The Hall of Fame Veterans Committee will consider Mandela's bid for membership, along with the posthumous candidacies of the Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and players' union director Marvin Miller.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Dubious Moments in Management
This semester has featured some calendrical oddities: In addition to beginning on a Friday--which is actually typical--this semester offers less than two weeks of classes between Thanksgiving and the end of the semester. What this means for me and other teachers in my department is that final exams--which are all administered department-wide on the same day--have to be graded in a compressed timeframe.
We grade the exams collectively: One teacher reads an exam (not knowing who has written it--the students' names are covered), grades it, and then it is passed along to another teacher--who doesn't know what the first teacher has given it--to grade. Usually, we have at least a week to do all this, but this semester, we have only about three days. So, in the spirit of efficiency, I pulled department-chair rank and called in all the teachers to come together today for a sort of grading party. We would all bring our exams--having done the first readings--and then we would just stay and read until all the second reads were done. To make the offer palatable, I suggested people bring snacks. Which they did.
We all got together, got our snacks, and proceeded to sit down and start to read. Now, by general consensus, I am the fastest reader of these tests. I pride myself on speed. And, indeed, I train my students to accommodate the speedy reader: I tell them that these exams are graded holistically and that, when reading them, I do not want to think! I should be able to read an exam quickly, smoothly, without having to pause or linger over anything. Because, I explain, while making a reader think is sometimes the mark of a great piece of writing, it is more often--at least at this level--a result of opaque prose. The less a piece of writing makes me think, the more likely it is to receive a passing grade. So anyway, I can usually blast through these exams at a rate of 10-12 an hour. Today, however, I got through about eight--in two hours!
The problem, of course, is that when you get a bunch of teachers together at the end of the semester, and set them a task of reading dozens of essays--or, more accurately, essentially the SAME essay dozens of times--they tend to get a bit slap-happy. Throw in Nutter Butter cookies and Coca-Cola, and productivity is not going to be high. And it seemed like such a good idea at the time!
Well, anyway, I'm home now. And, if you'll excuse me. . . I have a bunch of essays to read.
We grade the exams collectively: One teacher reads an exam (not knowing who has written it--the students' names are covered), grades it, and then it is passed along to another teacher--who doesn't know what the first teacher has given it--to grade. Usually, we have at least a week to do all this, but this semester, we have only about three days. So, in the spirit of efficiency, I pulled department-chair rank and called in all the teachers to come together today for a sort of grading party. We would all bring our exams--having done the first readings--and then we would just stay and read until all the second reads were done. To make the offer palatable, I suggested people bring snacks. Which they did.
We all got together, got our snacks, and proceeded to sit down and start to read. Now, by general consensus, I am the fastest reader of these tests. I pride myself on speed. And, indeed, I train my students to accommodate the speedy reader: I tell them that these exams are graded holistically and that, when reading them, I do not want to think! I should be able to read an exam quickly, smoothly, without having to pause or linger over anything. Because, I explain, while making a reader think is sometimes the mark of a great piece of writing, it is more often--at least at this level--a result of opaque prose. The less a piece of writing makes me think, the more likely it is to receive a passing grade. So anyway, I can usually blast through these exams at a rate of 10-12 an hour. Today, however, I got through about eight--in two hours!
The problem, of course, is that when you get a bunch of teachers together at the end of the semester, and set them a task of reading dozens of essays--or, more accurately, essentially the SAME essay dozens of times--they tend to get a bit slap-happy. Throw in Nutter Butter cookies and Coca-Cola, and productivity is not going to be high. And it seemed like such a good idea at the time!
Well, anyway, I'm home now. And, if you'll excuse me. . . I have a bunch of essays to read.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Just Another Day at Solipsist Central (Workplace Edition)
COLLEAGE OF SOLIPSIST: I hate the Elf on the Shelf.
SOLIPSIST: What exactly is the Elf on the Shelf?
COS: Well, he's an Elf. . . and you put him. . .
SOL: . . .On the shelf. I got that part. I mean, what's his. . . purpose? His mission? His raison d'Elf?
COS: He just kind of sits on the shelf and keeps an eye on the tree. . . .Makes sure the children aren't being naughty.
SOL: He's a narc.
COS: Basically.
SOL: So this is some Christian thing.
COS: Right.
SOL: Is there a Channukah Elf on the Shelf?
COS: I don't know.
SOL: "The Menorah in the Corna," maybe?
COS: Doesn't really rhyme. . . .Plus, a menorah doesn't narc on anyone. A menorah just. . . .is.
SOL: Right. "The Jew in the Loo"? Too British. "The Yid in the Frid. . .ge"?
COS: That's awful.
SOL: Yeah. . . . Oh! "The Maccabee in the Back-Cubby"!
COS: What's a back cubby?
SOL: Like, if you have a couple of cubbies in your house? And. . . And. . .And one's in the front of the house. . . And. . .uh. . . one's in the, uh. . . the back?
COS: I think you need to keep working on this one.
SOL: I will.
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UPDATE:
SOLIPSIST: What exactly is the Elf on the Shelf?
COS: Well, he's an Elf. . . and you put him. . .
SOL: . . .On the shelf. I got that part. I mean, what's his. . . purpose? His mission? His raison d'Elf?
COS: He just kind of sits on the shelf and keeps an eye on the tree. . . .Makes sure the children aren't being naughty.
SOL: He's a narc.
COS: Basically.
SOL: So this is some Christian thing.
COS: Right.
SOL: Is there a Channukah Elf on the Shelf?
COS: I don't know.
SOL: "The Menorah in the Corna," maybe?
COS: Doesn't really rhyme. . . .Plus, a menorah doesn't narc on anyone. A menorah just. . . .is.
SOL: Right. "The Jew in the Loo"? Too British. "The Yid in the Frid. . .ge"?
COS: That's awful.
SOL: Yeah. . . . Oh! "The Maccabee in the Back-Cubby"!
COS: What's a back cubby?
SOL: Like, if you have a couple of cubbies in your house? And. . . And. . .And one's in the front of the house. . . And. . .uh. . . one's in the, uh. . . the back?
COS: I think you need to keep working on this one.
SOL: I will.
**************************************
UPDATE:
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Personally, I Think the Focus Should Be "Teacher Entertainment"
I am on the "Student Success" committee at my college, student success being the current catchphrase used by unseen bureaucrats to describe the purported guiding ethos of community-college educators. Previous catchphrases have included things like "Equity" and "Learning." I suppose "student success" is as good a lodestar as any. Certainly better than "student failure," at any rate--although that would be considerably easier to achieve.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Monday Miscellany
You've probably heard about the deadly train crash that occurred on New York's Metro-North line yesterday morning, killing four people and injuring dozens more. I actually rode that train line every day for about two and a half years in the mid-90's. I am, in retrospect, terrified to think about all the days I dozed in my seat as the train careened through "one of the sharpest curves in the Metro-North system." Ah, the uneasy nostalgia of bullets dodged!
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On a lighter note, doesn't the sport of football have enough of a problem with subliminal homoeroticism without the announcers talking about how Seattle has "great backside penetration"?
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On a lighter note, doesn't the sport of football have enough of a problem with subliminal homoeroticism without the announcers talking about how Seattle has "great backside penetration"?
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Deep, Insightful Sports Analysis
From an article in today's Times, explaining why the New York Giants have struggled so much over the last twelve months:
"The Giants had a third-down conversation rate of 40.6 percent last season, but in their final two losses of 2012 that rate dropped to 30 percent. This season it is 34.7 percent. . . ."
Now, I don't claim great knowledge of football strategy, but if the Giants are engaging in conversations with the opposing teams on 40% of their third downs--instead of trying to move the football down the field--I think I know why they're having so much trouble!
"The Giants had a third-down conversation rate of 40.6 percent last season, but in their final two losses of 2012 that rate dropped to 30 percent. This season it is 34.7 percent. . . ."
Now, I don't claim great knowledge of football strategy, but if the Giants are engaging in conversations with the opposing teams on 40% of their third downs--instead of trying to move the football down the field--I think I know why they're having so much trouble!
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