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Sunday, February 15, 2009

Of Back Pain, Dathons, and Cereal

Last night, the Solipsist was watching an infomercial (don't ask) for "The 12-Minute Back Pain Relief Program."  The infomercial was 30 minutes long.  More to the point, the spokeslady brandished this stunning fact: Americans spend $50 billion a year on back pain.  So, in other words, we don't actually need a massive economic stimulus plan; we just need to lift with our legs.

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Emi Ha offered an entry for the Guide to Dathonian English (hereafter, GDE).  Whatever that happy/orgasmic/excited person is experiencing, I want some of that.  Or, "I'll have what she's having" ("When Harry Met Sally").  Keep those suggestions coming, folks.

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This week's special is supposed to be Star Trek and cereal, and the Solipsist realizes he hasn't mentioned either, yet.  And cereal enthusiasts probably feel a bit short-changed at the relative lack of attention compared to the extravagant number of words lavished on Star Trek.  So, um, cereal, let's see. . . . 

When did folks come up with the idea of marshmallows for cereal?  And do those things in Lucky Charms actually COUNT as marshmallows?  They've always struck the Solipsist as having more the consistency of Pez, only chewier.  Maybe some Kellogg's magnate accidentally spilled Pez into some oat flakes one day.  Must have been quite the Reese's moment.

OK, look, the Solipsist apologizes, but he just can't quite work up the passion for cereal that he can summon for Star Trek.  Although he HAS just remembered a fun, cereal-related exchange (actual) from his days as a college student:

One English major to another: (Exasperatedly) You know, there's more variety in breakfast cereal than in Shakespeare!

Other English major to first English major:  (Not missing a beat) Yes, and there's more riboflavin in one bowl of raisin bran than in all the works of Kafka combined!

No, the Solipsist didn't come up with that one.  Sad to say.  Thought you might get a kick out of it, though.
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1 comment:

  1. Reflections of a Special Needs DadFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    I've been remiss, recently, in keeping up with your blog posts, Sol, but am glad you've turned your musings on the world of breakfast food. One thought I often ponder (OK maybe not all THAT often): who decides when to kill off a cereal brand? Remember "Boo-berry"? The under-appreciated step-brother to Count Choculate and Frankenberry? And wasn't there a wolfman-related cereal in there?

    FWIW, I've turned my son on to "Quisp", a cereal I enjoyed as a tween which was recently revived. It's just as bland as I remember, but still "Qunchy" (I kid u not).

    Now to pick up on your Trek musings... :-)

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