For Presidential Consideration

The Solipsist would hereby like to offer himself as a candidate for a cabinet office of President Obama's choice. His qualifications are as follows:

The Solipsist. . .

Has always filed his tax returns on time.

Has boring tax returns.

Has never served as a lobbyist.

Has seldom spent time in lobbies.

Has never worked for/been solicited by/shared a "special moment" with/googled any of the following:
--The National Rifle Association
--Planned Parenthood
--Greenpeace
--NAMBLA
--The Minnesota Vikings
--The Spongebob Squarepants Appreciation Society (aka, NAMBLA).

Has never used any of the following:
--Crack cocaine
--Steroids
--Viagra
--A loofa

Promises to toe the administration's line on any and all topics associated with his cabinet post, even if they're downright silly.

Make that, "ESPECIALLY if they're downright silly."

Has very straight teeth.

Smells nice.

Works and plays well with others.

Enjoys making lists.

The Solipsist is available for confirmation hearings immediately. His good friend Bernie Madoff has offered to fly him out to Washington on his private jet.

Oops.

Darn it!