Funny story. True story.

At the Solipsist's place of employment, e-mail addresses conform to a predictable pattern: first initial, last name. Thus, our e-mail address is "TSolipsist@collegename.edu." Remember this.

Recently, YNSHC has been conducting training sessions for a new piece of instructional software, call it "Socrates." (NOTE: All names have been slightly altered to protect the innocent and shame the guilty.) He's been meeting with small groups of faculty members to walk them through the ins and outs of this program. He has been assisted in these trainings by the computer center coordinator, all-around tech guy "Mike Johnson." Keep this in mind.

The other day, we received an e-mail from one of the trainees we had worked with the day before. The subject-line: "Grrrrrrr. . . ." Seems this particular trainee had gone home and attempted to access "Socrates" (an internet-based program). As the subject line suggests, she had a less than optimal experience: She was frequently booted, her computer froze, she was attacked by monkeys--she was not happy. It should also be noted that this particular trainee is an award-winning poet with a certain flair for language. Her e-mail was thus full of fine phrasing and pinpoint denunciations of the program. And while she was very diplomatic towards the Solipsist and "Mike Johnson"--whom she in no way blamed for the program's malfunctioning--she was scathing in her review of the program itself--a program, it should be noted, that the college had just invested a substantial sum of money to acquire.

(Digression: Before you get into high dudgeon--or even low dudgeon--about extravagant purchases in a time of budgetary crisis, we hasten to point out that the money was from a grant that we were required to expend by a certain date. While we agree that the money could have done more good if it had been saved and doled out more judiciously over the next several months of austerity, that was not an option. Perhaps we will address the absurdist nature of state budgeting and expenditure processes in a future post. EOD)

Anyway, we mentioned that said teacher sent her e-mail to YNSHC and "Mike Johnson." Well, that's not exactly accurate. She sent her e-mail to "TSolipsist@collegename.edu" and "MJohnson@collegename.edu." But "Mike Johnson" is "MiJohnson@collegename.edu."

"MJohnson" had been assigned to somebody else, specifically, "Malcolm Johnson."

The college president.

Sigh.

The moral of the story, Sloppists: E-mail is a wonderful tool. Indeed, it is the Solipsist's favorite mode of communication, combining as it does the instantaneity of the telephone with the "not-having-to-actually-talk-to-somebody" distance of the postal system. But in e-mail, as in so many other things, it is dangerous to make assumptions. Remember, to paraphrase Dad-of-Solipsist, if you make assumptions, you make an ass out of u and mption.

Happy e-mailing!