The class was asked to write a paragraph about a celebrity who has a positive or negative effect on young people. From one young (and we emphasize, YOUNG) lady's assignment:
"Another way Miley Cyrus has made a negative impact on children is having a conflict with best friends Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. [Here comes the "perfect sentence" nominee] The two Disney Channel starlets uploaded a video of them just hanging out, talking about Demi's closed gap one day, when, not too long after, Miley and her so called 'best friend' Mandy responded to their video, making fun of it."
Our response? "We recognize this as English, but we have absolutely NO IDEA what you're talking about. What's a 'closed gap'? Who's 'Mandy'? Help! (Remember, we're old.)"
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In the Line of Diplomatic Armageddon
"'You've got to get the Secret Service to put stumbling blocks in the way,' said Ray Takeyh, who until last month was a senior adviser for Iran at the State Department. . . . 'You've got to quarantine that off. You've got to get the sniffing dogs out.'" ("Obama and Ahmadinejad: The Politics of Face Time")
You may recall, not long ago, the Solipsist made passing reference to the Clint Eastwood film "In the Line of Fire," in which the Grizzled One played a Secret Service agent seeking to foil an assassination attempt on the President. Today's Secret Service agents, however, have an additional threat to watch out for.
They're trained to take a bullet; but will they take a handshake?
Specifically, will they take a handshake from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the putative president of Iran, if the necktie-eschewing, Holocaust-denying, nuclear-weapon coveting, pseudo-politician attempts to muscle in on a photo op with President Obama at the United Nations this week? The concern is that, if Ahmadinejad manages to wriggle up close to President O., and if, God help us, Obama is manipulated into any show of anything resembling civility to this crackpot--if any of this happens, the Iranian despot will seize upon it as a show of "support" from the West's most popular leader. He will thereby gain credibility at home and among other Mideast nations. And, of course, US Republicans will claim this is further proof that President Obama is a secret Muslim, anti-American Tehrani Candidate, love-child of Osama bin Laden and Hitler.
We have it on good authority that Secret Service agents are practicing not only strategic handshake interception, but are also working on defending the "high five," the "Gimme-Five-Up-High-Down-Low-Too-Slow," and even "Butterfly Kisses" (just in case).
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No More Mr. Nice Country
Next winter, the Olympic Games will be held in Vancouver. Now comes word that Canada is taking steps to ensure its home-tundra advantage. ("Canada Protects Home Advantage at Olympics") In what seems a questionable display of the Olympic spirit, Canadian officials are restricting access to many of the Olympic venues. The hometeam will have virtually unlimited opportunities to ski the mountains and luge the . . . the luge-y place, while rival nations will have to settle for a fraction of the ice time.
Isn't Canadian assertiveness one of the signs of the apocalypse? They're acting positively. . . American!
You don't actually refer to yourself in the plural when you mark students' papers, do you?
ReplyDeleteAnd what if we do? :-)
ReplyDeleteWouldn't the use of the royal "we" be appropriate for a solopsist? ;-)
ReplyDelete