A Day in the Life

We think we've figured out the whole "Blogs of Note" issue; that is, we've figured out why, despite the consistently high quality of our prose, we are constantly overlooked by "BoN," which chooses instead to celebrate the offerings of people who report on the humdrum mundanities that make up their tiny little lives or who take pictures of what's on their desks.

In a word, the problem is images.

Or, more specifically, the lack of images. We've noted a distinct bias among the "BoN" Selection Committee (whoever they may be) for blogs chock-ful-o'-photos, brimming with snapshots, awash in daguerreotypes--you get the idea. (Or should we say, "You get the picture"? Ha!)

Anyway, how could a wordsmith like the Solipsist compete? More importantly, should we compete? Should we cater to the plebeian desires of the unwashed masses? Or should we not rather carry on our semi-literary crusade in service of the written word, even though it likely means we will never find ourselves named a noteworthy blog?

Well what do you think?

Thus, here follows a photojournalistic tour de force, documenting a day in the life of Solipsist:

5:07 am. The sound of nibbling. The guinea pig has awoken. Normally, he would get carrots. This week, though, he is on a special diet due to a digestive problem worthy of Hieronymous Bosch (see the last image of "The Garden of Earthly Delights," c. 1504). We prepare him a breakfast of Eggs Benedict and hay.

5:17 am. It is 5:17 am.

7:29 am. We realize that WOS has brought in another cat. We shall call her, "Kupu."

8:15 am. We begin our daily contemplation. For the next three hours, we will stare at a pumpkin.

It has been said that the egg is the perfect food. But is that title not more fittingly bestowed upon the pumpkin? What it lacks in comparative protein and versatility, it more than makes up for in sheer size and orangeness.

11:16 am. Speaking of orangeness, we hear a rustling above our head. We have been hearing this rustling throughout pumpkin contemplation for the last 16 days. We had thought it was the wind, until we realized we were indoors. Today, we discovered the source. WOS has struck again. We shall call her, "Orange."

12:48 pm. We have found these scattered throughout Solipsist HQ. YNSHC believes that they make cats appear, for whenever we enter a darkened room and "flip" these things, we find cats.

1:12 pm: Lunchtime. Is there anything better than a Stouffer's Chicken Pot Pie? We think not! Unless it is a Stouffer's lasagna! Or French Bread Pizza! Boy, the good folks at Stouffer's can do no wrong when it comes to delicious, easy-to-prepare meals for the whole family. (By the way, as always, "The Solipsist" welcomes applications from potential sponsors. Just sayin'.)

2:09 pm. Yes, Sloppists, this is the hand that types the Solipsist. Well, one of them. But this is the one that handles the e's, s's, t's, and r's--you know, the gruntwork. Take a moment to thank this hand. Where would you be without it?

2:11 pm. Oral hygiene is very important to the Solipsist.

6:58 pm. Prime time! We have our remote control and our painter's tape. We're ready for the evening.

7:02 pm. What should we have for dinner? (Potential sponsors should contact the Solipsist immediately--day or night. Really!)

8:03 pm. Dessert!

11:00 pm. As the credits roll on "Dateline: Tucson," we lean over and blow out the lantern. Another day at Solipsist HQ has come to an end. What new adventures will tomorrow bring?

Now if THIS doesn't get us into "Blogs of Note," we don't know what will!