The Great Eggo Shortage of '09

Y'know all those survivalist types preparing for the end of the world, building bunkers in their backyards, stockpiling weapons, hoarding everything from bottled water to gasoline? We always used to roll our eyes at such paranoid packrattery. We used to laugh.

We are not laughing anymore.

Folks, the famine is upon us, and it's dripping with syrup.

Or, more precisely, it's NOT dripping with syrup. That's the problem. There's a rapidly diminishing supply of things for syrup to drip from. If you haven't heard the news, you may want to sit down for this (and why are you reading this standing up, anyway?).

America is out of Eggo's.

Yes, folks, the iconic waffle-based breakfast treat is temporarily unavailable. And "temporarily" may be quite a while. Due to flood damage at Kellogg's Atlanta bakery ("Eggo Central"), the waffles may be unavailable in some areas until mid-2010! Not to worry, though, according to a statement from Kellogg's: "Eggo is working around the clock to bring everyone's favorite waffles back to store shelves as quickly as possible."

(Digression: Consider the ramifications of that sentence. This means that, while you sleep soundly--if waffle-deprived--some poor schmuck is toiling to jumpstart the production of Eggos. EOD.)

In the meantime, we suggest careful rationing of your Eggo supply. Sunday brunch may be a little less bright for the next few months. Sacrifices will be necessary. Perhaps each of us will only receive a certain number of squares instead of a whole waffle. Still, if we all work together as a society, we can prevent the otherwise inevitable descent into barbarity.

We're all in this together!

Now, leggo our Eggo, or we'll kill you!