Sleep-Talkin' WOS

A few weeks back, Sleep-Talkin' Man was featured on Blogger.com's "Blogs of Note." Much as we resent our continued non-appearance on this list, we have to say that, for once, the decision-makers made a good call. This site features the unconscious ramblings of Adam, a "mild-mannered" Englishman (his wife types up his musings every morning). A representative comment: "My badger's gonna kick your ass. Badgertastic!" Anyway, the blog has gone viral, gaining thousands of followers, and allowing the couple to launch a presumably lucrative line of "Sleep-Talkin' Man" t-shirts.

Reading through the comments on the blog, we noticed that, while most people find Adam's musings entertaining, if not outright hysterical, there are a number of skeptics who assume that he and his wife are just making stuff up. They find it hard to believe that anyone could be so consistently funny in his sleep. To the doubters, we say, believe it.

We, too, have enjoyed sleep-talking rambles from our very own WOS. Unfortunately, her comments are not as regular as Adam's, but we think they are no less amusing. Following is a sampling of WOS's sleep-talking. And, unlike those other times, when we've told you something was true even though we were making stuff up, we swear to you on whatever you would like us to swear on that these are all actual comments made by WOS. Enjoy!

"I have a smorgasbord of unpaid lunch bills!" (This was the first thing we ever heard WOS sleep-talk.)

"Oh, no! I caught a quick cold, honey! I caught a quick cold!"

"Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill. . . . What's your favorite cartoon? Dragonball Z. . . . Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill, Blinky Bill. . . . Why isn't there any Dragonball Z?!?"

"That pumpkin. . . has the sweetest face!"

"That monkey has white fur. . . . That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. . . . AHHH! The white monkey's choking me!!!!. . . . Damn monkeys!"

"You are my chooch-kie!" (She said this as she put us in a virtual stranglehold. Then, singing and rocking, she continued) "I love my choochkie, I love my choochkie, I love my choochkie all day long!"

"It's a pink kitty! It's pink! That's the cutest thing I've ever seen. . . . It's pink!"

"So, anyway, you come to this room where these midgets are throwing babies at you. So, when you get there, just grab some midgets, grab some babies, and you'll be fine."

Occasionally, we'll try to converse with WOS:

WOS: The Buggles are here! Oh, what a fright!
YNSHC: The Buggles?
WOS: The Buggles! That's not right.

And once, WOS actually sat up and SANG the following song, complete with finger-snaps at the end of each line:

Snap your fingers (snap, snap)
Tap your toes (snap, snap)
That's the waaaaay (snap, snap)
The story goes (snap, snap)
What the world is (snap, snap)
No one knows (snap, snap)
So snap your fingers (snap, snap)
Tap your toes (snap, snap)

She then lay back down and continued sleeping uninterrupted for several hours.