According to the latest actuarial tables of the National Insurance Institute (let's just say there is such a thing), the highest-risk demographics are as follows (in ascending order of likelihood of death within the next five minutes):
3. EOD specialists in Iraq (see "The Hurt Locker"--no, really, see it.)
2. New York City cabbies.
And, coming in at number one by a wide margin. . .
1. Grandparent of a community college student.
Seriously, in the nine years or so that we've been a full-time faculty member, we've witnessed the demise of scores of grandparents, particularly around the time papers are due or exams are administered.
We're sure that some--perhaps most--of these deaths were real. We hope they were. Not that we want to see Nanas and Pop-pops dropping like flies, but just because we'd hate for kids to be lying about this. And, again, not because it bothers us to be lied to, but because it's just so unnecessary! Students don't need to justify their absences--we don't care! That's the wonderful thing about college: As a student, you can come and go as you please, and, as an instructor, YNSHC doesn't have to give a crap about whether you come at all. Whether your great-uncle Helmut has recently passed away or you just forgot to set your alarm clock--it doesn't matter!!! Show up, don't show up, do what you will--just get the work done!
And please, keep the Grim Reaper away from Grandma.
Lolol...amen!
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