Breaking News: Lebron Will NOT Be a Knick

As the Lebron James watch continues, the Solipsist would like to officially declare the New York Knicks out of the running for his services.

(Disclaimer: The Solipsist has received a cease-and-desist order, requiring him to stop speaking for the New York Knicks. We have decided, however, to file that cease-and-desist order with similar orders we have received from the New York Mets, the New York Jets, MENSA, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. End of Disclaimer)

After careful consideration, we have decided that, much as we would love to see King James in a Knicks uniform, we think it better for all concerned if he stayed away from Madison Square Garden. We fear that, if the Knicks somehow manage to lure James to what has become something of a laughingstock organization, they would in short order, like a six-year-old with a shiny Christmas present, break him. No one wants to see that happen.

One caveat: James must sign with no one BUT Cleveland. Simply put, it's the right thing to do. The man is from Cleveland (well, Akron, but close enough), and he should stick around and bring that team the championship they have long desired. Let's face it, the man is going to make gazillions of dollars anywhere he goes, and in this day and age the fame and marketing opportunities are as great in Cleveland as in New York or anywhere else. He has no need to leave, and he would send a sweet message to the jaded sports fans of the world if he chose lucrative loyalty over larcenous leaving.

And if he signs with Chicago or Miami, we hope his shooting touch becomes that of Shaquille O'Neal when heaving free throws.

(Image from NBA.com)