Technology Makes Our Lives Easier

This, with only slight exaggeration, has been our day:

Our office is located in a resource center at a community college--the place where students come to use computers, receive tutoring, and generally make the Solipsist's life miserable. This morning, the gentleman who manages the resource center was running late, which meant we were responsible for fixing any minor technical glitches that might arise. Thus, before we had even had a chance to sip our life-giving coffee, one of our tutors--a tutor!--came into our office with a problem.

"Solipsist, the copier isn't turned on."

"OK, it's not work-- Wait, what?"

"The copier isn't turned on."

"Um, OK."

"So, should I turn it on?"

"That sounds like a good idea."

"I just wanted to make sure. . . ."

"OK."

"I just don't want to break the printer."

"'Break the. . .'? How would you-- Do you want us to turn the printer on for you?"

"Well, I don't want to put you out."

"No, no! It would be our pleasure! Don't trouble yourself at all!"

We turned on the printer, at which point we were accosted by an instructor who had brought her class to use a computer classroom.

"Can you help me get started?"

"Umm. . .Sure." We went into the computer lab. "What seems to be the problem?

"I need to use an ESL program on the computer."

"OK. Do you know which program?"

"Yes, but I don't see it."

"That's because you haven't turned the computer on."

"Oh." We turned the computer on for her.

"OK, now, how do I run the program?"

"Do you know the name of the program?"

"Yes. It's ________."

"This one?"we asked, pointing at an icon.

"Yes."

"Click it."

She managed to click the icon and open the program without too much additional difficulty. Then. however, she became troubled. "But the students don't have headphones."

"Do they need headphones?"

"Well, I want to show them a video."

"OK. On the big screen at the front of the room?"

"Yes."

"There are speakers for that screen. They don't need headphones."

"They don't?"

"They don't."

"How will they be able to hear the sound?"

"Do you have a television at home?"

"What?"

"A television. Do you have one?"

"Yes."

"Do you need to wear headphones to hear it?"

"What?"

Urge to kill. . . rising. "Can you hear the noises coming out of the picture box without headphones."

"Yes."

"OK. Same principle here."

We left before we screamed, but, as we left the computer lab, a student came up to us. "Excuse me, Mr. . .Solenoid?"

"Close enough."

"I think the copier's broken."

"Hmm. . . . Why do we have a feeling it hasn't been turned on yet?"

"What?"

"Nothing." We turned the copier on. As we turned around, we came face to face with the aforementioned instructor." "ACK!"

"There's no sound coming out!"

"Really?" This actually sounded like an honest-to-God glitch! We went back into the computer lab. We went over to the volume control and cranked it to 11. Nothing. We were stymied. Then we looked at the instructor's computer. "Ummm. . . .What is it you're expecting to hear?"

"This video!"

"The one on the screen?"

"Yes!"

"The one that says, 'Press "Play" to begin'?"

"Yes!"

"Here's a thought--PRESS PLAY!"

"'Play'?"

"Look, you know how you play a CD?"

"C. . .D?"

"8-track?"

"Oh, like a phonograph?"

"Exactly!"

Before we could make it back to our office and our rapidly cooling coffee, ANOTHER student grabbed us. "Mr. Solemnist?"

"Mrrrrrm?"

"I forgot my password for this program I'm supposed to use. Can you reset it for me?"

"Of course! It would be our pleasure!" We reset the lady's password and explained that, when she logged back in, she should leave the password field blank. She would then be asked to create a new password.

After scanning the area for additional interruptions and seeing none, we hurried back to the office, took a long pull of coffee and began to settle our nerves for the day ahead. A good ten minutes--TEN MINUTES--later, Password Girl came to our door. "It's still not working."

"It isn't?"

"It keeps asking me for a Password."

"Did you create a new password?"

"Create?"

"It's asking you to create a password. . . .To choose a password that you will use to access the program."

"Oh. So I need to create a password."

"Yes."

"Oh. . . . How do I do that?"

"You. . . You just. . . You choose. . . . Y'know what? CAT! Your password is CAT. Write it down! Tattoo it to the inside of your eyelid! Repeat it over and over and over again as you fall asleep and wake up every morning yelling 'CAT!' at the top of your lungs!"

"And. . . how do you spell that?"