We desperately need a lawn so we can yell at damn kids to keep the hell off it.
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Do you realize that cavemen probably never suffered from scurvy? Lucky bastards! And they didn't even need the FDA to force them off soda.
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This afternoon, at a local waffle establishment, WOS excoriated us for resting our elbows on the table. Isn't it time we retired this one? From the minimal research we have conducted, it appears the prohibition arose from medieval times, when standards of table manufacturing were somewhat lax, specifically when it came to legs. Irregular or otherwise poorly constructed table legs would make tables prone to tipping over if the local (no doubt heavily armored and bear-skinned) Vikings rested their elbows upon them. But this is 20th-century America, Gosh darn it! Table artisans long ago perfected leg craftsmanship. We reserve the right to rest elbows, feet, or any other protruding body parts wherever we so desire!
Now get off our parking lot, you damn kids!
We have a small yard and it gives my husband hours of pleasure sitting on the porch daring any of those damn kids to trod on one piece of grass. I hope he is enjoying it because we probably will no longer have grass after the water rate hike.
ReplyDeleteManners(elbows off the table, hand not being used to eat in lap, napkins in lap, table settings, hands in lap when not on the table, using "Please pass the ?, Thank you, May I be excused?") was what my Mother thought separated us from the REALLY poor white trash.
I like your new label "crotchitiness" -- is that a real word in the English language?
ReplyDeleteBetter yet, get two goats and arrange to have SNL's producer fall on them. Then you can yell:"Hey, Lorne! Get off of my kids!" Cavemen had lots of scurvy. They just didn't suffer from it. They enjoyed it (there was no "Bachelorette" programming then, so it was the next best thing. And, finally, (and this is true...ish), the admonition against elbows is really an admonition against putting any body part on the table. This, in turn, was really about keeping people from sitting on tables. Proving that, at one time, "Society" really didn't know their asses from their elbows!
ReplyDelete@Janet and Donna: We like your husband--whichever one of you he's married to.
ReplyDelete@Naturelady: We think 'crotchetiness' is a real word; if not, we're glad to claim credit/
@Anonymous: (1) That's awful. (2) Fair enough. (3) We're not crazy about your true-ish sense of humor; you and Jackie Mason.