If You Love Tomato Sauce So Much, Why Don't You Marry It?

Watching TV the other day, we noticed, at the end of a commercial for Ragu spaghetti sauce, a Facebook symbol. This got us to wondering. Facebook? Ragu? Now, we know it's become de rigeur (which is French for "de rigeur") for any self-respecting corporation to establish a social-networking presence. We further understand why people would "friend" some of these entities. Non-profit corporations would attract supporters of whatever cause the corporation unprofitably promotes. And as for commercial entities, we understand why someone might want to "friend," say, a car company (e.g., for service updates) or an airline (e.g., for special fares). But who would want to befriend spaghetti sauce?

The Solipsist, that's who!

Today, we added "Ragu" to our Facebook, and, much to our delight, we were accepted! We had immediate access to all things Ragu! And what, you may ask, is happening on Ragu's wall? Well, a couple of Raguistas (as we imagine we would demand to be called) are involved in a withering critique of those who would mistake tomato's [sic] for vegetables. Apparently, they are responding to another horticulturally illiterate follower who made the mistake of thanking Ragu for "having 4 tomatoes in EACH bottle! helps peeps KNOW the importance of veggies!! ;)" (OK, she may not know her fruity ass from her vegetably elbow, but at least she can spell.)

Kindly, the good folks at Ragu have included a tab on their page--"Tomatoes?"--where we find out that, in fact, tomatoes can be considered vegetables. We quote:

"The word vegetable lacks scientific definition and is prone to subjectivity. Modern society commonly classifies tomatoes as vegetables primarily due to the fact that vegetable is a culinary term that depends on how the food will be used."

As further evidence, Ragu informs us that, in 1893, the Supreme Court ruled that a tomato is a vegetable (it's an often overlooked clause in the Dred Scott decision). We think they push the argument too far by explaining that the tomato is the official state vegetable of Arkansas. We think Clinton probably pushed that one through so he could claim he was getting a proper serving of vegetables when he got extra ketchup on his Big Mac. (We still love you, President Bill.)

We have a bit of advice for our new "friends" at Ragu. Reconsider the labeling of the tab "Tomatoes?" It seems too much like something someone might say after tasting the sauce.

Solipsistography

You, too, can become a Raguista! Just check out their Facebook page.