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Friday, March 18, 2011

An Open Letter to TV Writers (and Their Ilk)

Dear TV Writers (and Your Ilk):

Could we have a moratorium on the line, "English, please?" and variations thereon? As in,

SCIENTIST-TYPE: We have to reconfigure the warp-drive so that the tachyon-stream doesn't oscillate asymmetrically; otherwise, the converse slipstream will externally refract the wavelength and set off a nuclear chain-reaction!

OTHER-GUY-TYPE: Uh, English, please?
Seriously, that might have been funny back in the day (and whenever this "day" was, we want nothing to do with it), but now it's just old. We suggest the following dialogue-exchange to put this hoary cliche to rest once and for all:

SCIENTIST-TYPE: We have to reconfigure the warp-drive so that the tachyon-stream doesn't oscillate asymmetrically; otherwise, the converse slipstream will externally refract the wavelength and set off a nuclear chain-reaction!

OTHER-GUY-TYPE: Uh, English, please?

SCIENTIST-TYPE: That was English. You're just a moron.
Next up, we go to work on the hoary cliche of calling cliches "hoary."
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