Trend Updates

Let's take a look at what's "Trending Now" on Yahoo!

10. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG: Sonic the virtual Hedgehog celebrated his 20th birthday. Every virtual-hedgehog year is the equivalent of one human year: one terribly, terribly wasted human year.

9. SOUTHWEST AIRLINES PILOT: Southwest Airlines has temporarily suspended a pilot, after he accidentally broadcast a profane, homophobic speech over the air-traffic control network. Note to that pilot: Anybody who spends a substantial portion of his time in something called a cockpit should lay off the gaybashing.

8. COFFEE: Researchers at the University of South Florida have discovered that coffee may offer some protection against Alzheimer's Disease. This is great news for the Solipsist, who loves coffee. In other news, researchers at the University of South Florida have discovered that coffee may offer some protection against Alzheimer's Disease. . . .

7. WINKLEVOSS TWINS: They've decided to end their appeal of their settlement with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. While we're on the subject, people named "Winklevoss" should be far more elfin than these two. We're just sayin'.

6. MEGHAN MCCAIN: She and Bristol Palin have some kind of ongoing mean-girls-type conflict. We're not sure, but, we heard that, like, Bristol totally caught Meghan checking out her baby-daddy Levi Johnston. And so she was like, "Yo, Bitch, get your own man!" And M-Mac was all, like, "Ho, I wouldn't touch Levi if he was the last piece of trailer-trash in Alaska." Maury Povich is in talks to have Bristol appear on his show, where he will "surprise" her with an appearance by Meghan. Stay tuned.

5. MILEAGE RATE: The IRS has bumped up the mileage rate allowance from $0.51 a mile to $0.555. The Solipsist, who lives about a mile from his workplace, plans to put the additional money he will get back from the Feds towards a McChicken sandwich.

4. MELISSA MOLINARO: The top link on the trend list is, "5 Things You Didn't Know about Melissa Molinaro." The number one thing? Who the hell is Melissa Molinaro?

3. ANNA PAQUIN: Season 4 of "True Blood" premieres this weekend. Anna Paquin, of course, stars as Sookie Stackhouse, the psychic-siren of 'Cajun country. To us, though, she will remain that adorable 11-year-old who stammered her way through an Academy Award acceptance speech. Which is why whenever we see her topless in "True Blood" we feel kind of dirty.

2. iPHONE 5: New features include a 3-D camera, a lawnmower, and a "Vibrate" setting that will make you never want to leave your house.

And, the NUMBER ONE trendiest topic of this moment in time is. . . .

1. ANNA NICOLE SMITH:. . . is still dead. However, her boobs still look fantastic!