Trendwatch Today

The top trending topics on Yahoo! as of 5:24 PM PST:

10: HURRICANE GREG: Greg realized his lifelong ambition earlier today, being named a hurricane.  In his acceptance speech, Greg thanked God, explaining that he never thought he would make it past tropical storm.  Side note: This marked the first and only time that an award recipient's thanking God was actually appropriate.

9. NOAH'S ARK: A Christian missionary group, Answers in Genesis, is building a full-scale replica of Noah's Ark in Hebron, KY.  The idea is to prove to the doubting public--or, more likely, the true-believing fanatics who will flock to see this thing--that Noah's story is possible.  Yes, a simple farmer (or shoe salesman, or whatever he was) COULD have built the Ark!  Yes, it could have withstood a 40-Day Flood!  ("Couldn't have withstood me!"  Oh, shut up, Greg!)  Yes, it could have housed two of every animal in the world!  When challenged on this last point, project manager Mike Hovath explained that there were significantly fewer different species in Noah's time.  We asked what he meant, and Hovath explained that over the millenia since biblical times, numerous other species had developed.  You mean, "evolved," we asked?  A couple of husky Pentecostals then politely asked us to leave.

8. GOLD: Gold prices continue to soar.  Things are really getting out of control.  Desperate looking speculators have been eyeing unflushed urinals covetously.

Sorry.

7. ANNA HAZARE: Oh, God!  Who the hell is THIS?  Probably some vapid reality-show bimbo!  Well, we hope at least she's got big bahoogies. . . . Let's check her out. . . . AAAAAAHH!!!

As Austin Powers once said, "That's a MAN, Baby!"  Actually, he's a prominent anti-corruption crusader in India.  Hazare was given permission by the government to stage a public 15-day hunger strike to protest government corruption.  On the bright side, we applaud the fact that the Indian government has seen fit to allow peaceful protests.  On the brighter side, it's a true sign of progress that people in India must be given permission to starve!

Again, sorry.

6. JESSICA ALBA: She's in "Spy Kids 4."  Big deal.  Still, it's a nice visual palate cleanser after Anna Hazare.

5. BANK STOCKS: They're not doing well.  Then again, since the stock market closed down about 19,000 points, this is not particularly surprising.  Maybe gold is the way to go.  We have to go to the bathroom.

4. BURT REYNOLDS: Merrill Lynch Credit Corp. is trying to foreclose on the actor's Florida home.  Quite a comedown from the heady 1970s when Reynolds was the biggest star in the world.  He offered to pose naked again for Cosmopolitan to earn some money to pay off the mortgage.  They were less than interested.

3. ELIZABETH BANKS: Even people NAMED "Banks" are doing poorly.  She closed down 43% in late trading.  (Look, we're tired, OK?!?)

2. RUSH LIMBAUGH: We didn't realize people still listened to Mr. Oxycodone.  Apparently, though, he's still on the air, still elevating the nation's discourse.  His latest bon mot involved Nabisco's introduction of a triple-decker, chocolate and vanilla stuffed Oreo cookie.  After observing that the cookie is "bi-racial," Limbaugh went on to call the cookies, "Or-bam-eos."  How is this man not in Congress?

And the top-trending topic as of, like, now is. . ..

1. SANDRA BULLOCK: The actress has cut off all ties with Sunny (daughter of Jesse) James.  Don't worry, though.  Angelina Jolie has offered to adopt.