Yeah, Yeah, We Get It: You're a Bad-ass

Do you know the story of the scorpion and the frog?  Of course you do!  Everybody does!  What started out as a cool parable of man's essential irrationality has become a cliched shortcut for screenwriters and dramatists to add depth and/or intrigue to nefarious characters.

For me, and I suspect many in my generation, the story achieved meme-like status after its appearance in "The Crying Game" (1992).  Subsequently, it has appeared in all manner of programs, including "Star Trek: Voyager" (where the frog, in keeping with the Aesopian origins, is substituted with a fox) to "Robot Chicken."  Recently, the parable appeared in the premiere of the Starz series "Magic City."  When one character asks the other if he knows the story of the scorpion and the frog--and the response is "No"--I had to resist the urge to scream at the TV, "Seriously?!?"

In case you're among the 0.01% of people unfamiliar with the story: A scorpion and a frog are at a riverbank.  The scorpion asks the frog to carry him across the river.  The frog says, "No way: You'll sting me."  The scorpion points out that this would be stupid: If he stings the frog, then they'll BOTH drown.  The frog thinks about it and agrees to ferry the scorpion across the river.  Halfway across, the scorpion does, indeed, sting the frog.  As they sink below the water, the frog gurgles out, "Why?  Now, we'll both die!"  The scorpion replies, "I can't help it.  It's in my nature."

The worst part about this whole thing is that IT'S NOT TRUE.  I sat down with Scorpion to get the real story:

"Look, I don't know how this whole thing got started, but I NEVER stung Frog.  Frog and I are friends--more than Frog and Toad, I can tell you: That guy's a schmuck.

"It was all a joke.  Yes, I 'stung' Frog--with a thumb tack I happened to be carrying!  You should have seen the look on his face!  'Aaaaah!  Aaaaaah!  Why did you do that?!?  Why did you do that?!? Aaaaah!'  I admit, I was worried we WERE going to drown just because Frog was flipping out so bad.  Somehow, we managed to make it to the other side.  When I told Frog what I'd actually done, we ultimately had a good laugh about the whole thing.

"Well, yes, I admit, I DID say 'It's just my nature--to play jokes.'  I'm a kidder!  Think about it: If I HAD actually stung the frog, how would any of you know this story?!?  Am I right, or am I right?

"Personally, I blame Frog for not setting the record straight.  If anyone's gotten 'stung' by this whole thing, it's me.

"All I can say is, Never trust an amphibian.  Land or water!  Make up your mind!"