Beat THIS with a Stick

"Pinata: Survival Island" (2002) follows a group of college students as they head to an island off the coast of I'm guessing Mexico for a weekend of alcohol-fueled debauchery.  Unbeknownst to them, however, the island holds a horrifying secret: Long ago, the primitive inhabitants conducted a ritual to banish evil from their community.  They accomplished this by sequestering "evil" in a specially designed, um, pinata:

No, no, no.  An EVIL pinata:

(DIGRESSION: I know there should be a tilde over the 'n,' but I don't know how to do that--and besides, this movie doesn't deserve the tilde! EOD)

That's right: A pinata filled with evil!  And you thought Milk Duds were bad!

Anyway, the pinata disappears into the island's muck only to resurface when our gang of revelers arrives.  Blood-soaked mayhem ensues.

I'm making it sound a lot better than it actually is.

(DIGRESSION: Fun fact: The movie's original title is "Demon Island."  I guess the producers felt that wasn't scary enough, so they renamed it, "Pinata: Survival Island."  All that's missing is the exclamation point: "Pinata!" EOD)

As I watched this movie the other night, something started to bother me--mostly the fact that I was watching "Pinata."  But something else as well.  See, when I watch crappy horror movies, I don't expect great cinema.  I don't expect to be frightened.  I don't even necessarily expect to be entertained.  But I DO expect gratuitous nudity.  And this "film," with a cast of drunken, horny frat-boys and sorority sisters doesn't even deliver so much as a bit of sideboob!  Was the director trying for a PG-13?!?  To appeal to the kids?!?!?  Or was something even more ludicrous going on?

DIRECTOR: Congratulations!  I'm casting you in "Demon Island," which we may rename "Pinata: Survival Island."

BUXOM BLONDE: Yeah. . . Great. . .  So, I suppose you'll be wanting me topless?

DIRECTOR: What?!? Absolutely not, young lady!  I am making ART!  This is a film about the eternal struggle between good and evil!  A film about the primal contradictory yearnings to both eliminate and control the forces of chaos!  A film about the existential crisis of modern youth, attempting to assert their independence while constantly struggling against the forces of parental repression!  A film about. . . about. . .  about. . .

BUXOM BLONDE: About a homicidal pinata?

DIRECTOR: Well, yes, that too.

Nation, I promise you now, that when I make my feature about an undead Slinky, there may not be a plot or a script or a talented cast--but by God there will be naked people!