A Hero Plummets

Earlier today, Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner leapt from a space capsule nearly 25 miles above the earth's surface, setting records for the highest sky-dive ever and the fastest, as he shattered the sound barrier on the way down.

Longtime Sloppists know I can come across as a bit, shall we say, cynical.  I hope you will trust me, then, when I say that I am in awe of Felix Baumgartner. He exemplifies courage, determination, the fundamental power of the human spirit to achieve.  Some people look at an obstacle and ask, "Why?" (which is silly becauae the appropriate question would be "How?).  Others look at the same obstacle and say, "Why not?"  Felix Baumgartner said, "Why not?"

His leap should inspire us all.  We should all channel our own inner Baumgartners. We must all stare bravely into the dark, whether it be the darkness at the edge of space or in the dark corners of our own souls where our fears and our doubts conspire to keep us earthbound.  We must, like Baumgartner, break free of their clutches, lest we remain condemned to toil away our little lives in frustrated obscurity, waiting almost eagerly for the soothing embrace of death to put an end to our quiet despera--

Wait.  He used a PARACHUTE?!?  Well, what's the big fucking deal then?  What an incredible pussy!