FOS Doesn't Know Sports

FOS critiqued yesterday's post, saying that it was "Obviously a slow news day."  Maybe it was.  Still, I struggle every day to find some little tidbit to enrich the lives of my faithful readership.  I agonize over what to write.  Ouch!  (See, even once I've started writing I still agonize.)  So I was a little taken aback by what I took to be a cheap dig.  After all, I could always just start sharing stories about my friends and family.  How would certain people feel about that?

Let's find out.

So, way back when, in the days when FOS and I were first developing interest in adult matters--particularly immature adult matters--we would occasionally exchange dirty jokes.  I would here like to share a joke that FOS once told (don't worry, it's not particularly prurient), and I would like to share it with you in exactly the manner in which FOS shared it with me.

"So this man and woman get married," FOS began, "and go on their honeymoon.  On their wedding night, the wife turns to her husband and says, 'Darling, I have a confession.'

"'What's that?'

"'Well, I'm not a virgin.'

"'Oh. Well, that's not a big deal.  I mean, these days that's not really surprising.'

"'Well, I should also tell you that the man I slept with is pretty famous.  It was Jimmy Connors.'"

[NOTE: For our younger readers, just insert "Roger Federer."  That bride certainly did! BWAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!  OK, back to the joke.]

"'Oh. Well, hey, I'm a fan of Jimmy Connors.  I mean, that doesn't bother me.'

"And so they have sex.  Afterwards, the husband sits up and picks up the phone.  'I'm going to call room service and order some champagne.  Should I get anything else?'  His wife sighs. 'What's wrong?'

"'Oh, nothing.  It's just. . . . Well, that's not what Jimmy Connors would have done.'

"'Really? Uh, what would Jimmy Connors have done?'

"'He would have made love to me again.'

"Oh,' the husband says, 'Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint you.'  So they make love again.  Afterwards, the husband says, 'OK, now, how about that champagne?'

"'Well, that's not what Jimmy Connors would have done.  Jimmy Connors would have made love to me again!'

"'Really?!?  Well, OK.'  So they make love again.  Again, the husband starts to call room service.  Again the wife tells him 'That's not what Jimmy Connors would have done.'  They make love AGAIN.  Afterwards, the husband once again reaches for the phone.

"'You're calling room service,' his wife asks?

"'No,' the husband says, 'I'm calling Jimmy Connors.  I want to find out what's par for this hole."

At this point, FOS starts giggling.  I express confusion.  "Don't you get it?  Jimmy Connors?  'Par for this hole'?"

"Yeah, I get it, but. . .you know Jimmy Connors is a tennis player, right?"

"He is?  Oh.  Well, who's the famous golfer?"

"Uhh. . . Arnold Palmer?"

"Yeah!  Yeah, that's who I meant!  Arnold Palmer."

Slows news day, my ass!