Still Can’t Use Your Hands, Right?

A group of the biggest, most successful European "football" (by which they mean soccer) clubs (by which they mean teams) have banded together to form their own league (by which they mean league), separate and apart from the Champions League, which is, we deduce, where they have normally played.  Raising the deep, thought-provoking question: Do we care?

Probably not.

Not only because this is soccer, which is at best a boring and at worst an imaginary sport (see our earlier posts on the topic).  But also because we haven't been able to find anyone to explain to us what, exactly, this means.  So, the clubs that were in League A will now be in League B, but they'll still play each other.  This sounds like the equivalent of saying, for example, the baseball teams in the National League West and the American League Central will now form their own league.  Clearly, this would be a major shake-up of the Major League Baseball universe, but ultimately, you would still have baseball players playing baseball against other baseball players, right?

Right?  No, seriously, we're asking.

Presumably this is all related to money, and the players and club owners figure they can make more money by organizing themselves differently,.  From what we can tell, exactly no one other than the teams involved is happy about this move.  Indeed, the soccer governing body UEFA--

(Digression: Does one pronounce that U-E-F-A or "Youeefa"?  If the latter, that would be a good name for a pet monkey. If the former, it's not even a good name for a soccer governing body. End of Digression)

--has gone so far as to threaten the players on the breakaway teams--which include such powerhouses as Real Madrid, Juventus, and the Devonshire Woolkettles (OK, we might have made up one of those)--with being banned from participation in the World Cup.  Which will really show those players when the World Cup is held without the best players from the best teams! A ratings bonanza in the making! On the plus side, under those circumstances, the US will actually have a chance!

So bottom line, we are fully in support of this development about which we understand nothing and care less. Thank you for your kind attention.

UPDATE: All the clubs that were going to form the Super League have officially decided not to bother. We can’t help but think that our indifference was a precipitating factor in their decision. You’re welcome, World. You’re welcome.