Well who is the Solipsist to question the wisdom of the ages? No one, that's who! Thus, we have descended from our summit to trod upon the earth, deigned to dirty our feet in the muddy waters of the common stream, snuggled up to the great unwashed masses of our followers (and would it kill you to take a bath once in a while? Really, people!).
In other words, we have joined Facebook.
Now, those of you who know the Solipsist's true identity can look him up, but those of you who don't, well, you'll just have to wait to be "friended" into the inner sanctum. Sorry, but we cannot reveal the truth here. You understand. Were our true identity to get out, we would undoubtedly be swamped by fans, true believers, and process servers. Thus, for now, the traffic flow from Facebook to Blogger is strictly one way.
Nevertheless, we will provide our first impressions of this particular social networking site; we understand you've waited for this for far too long.
1) Seriously, how does anyone get any work done? The Solipsist currently has a mere seven friends (as opposed to "friends"--i.e., these are people he actually knows), and already he finds himself unavoidably sucked into the "Walls" and "Profiles" and "Gadgets" of just that small group. "Oh, look: So-and-so is on Facebook. I'll add her as a friend. And what's this on her profile? Why, it's a quiz to find out which Beatles song I am. Hmmm. . . .Oh what the hell! (Click. Minutes pass.) Well, whaddya know? I'm 'Across the Universe.' Funny, I would have fancied myself an 'Octopus' Garden.' Go know." Before you know it, it's 5:00; you've missed a class, three meetings, and a solar eclipse; still, you can't log off just yet because you're thrilling to a threaded conversation about your cousin's Weight Watchers' recipes. You begin to think the whole thing was actually a plot to get us all navel-gazing while the terrorists sneak in and make off with the Statue of Liberty.
2) You can comment on everything on Facebook. Kind of like a blog (hint, hint); for the shockingly lazy, however, Facebook has simplified commenting. You can simply click a link labeled "Like." This will indicate that you "like" what you've just read.
(Digression: Couldn't they at least have made the link a complete sentence: "I like this." Sure, why bother with a subject when a verb will do, but come on! The Solipsist just watched "Wall-E," and he can't shake a vision of Facebook-entranced red-jumpsuited millions floating around in high-tech wheel(less)chairs punching "Like," "Like," "Like," as their consumer preferences are gathered, collated, and submitted for examination by the faceless empire behind the curtain. EOD.)
But what really struck the Solipsist is that, after you've "Liked" something, you can "Unlike" it. Thus, if you decide that someone's joke really wasn't that funny, or if someone has just insulted you by calling you a Canuck, you can go back and "Unlike" the post. (Does the comment show that someone has unliked you?)
Would that you could do this in the real world! Relationships would end so much more neatly. No more, "It's not you, it's me"; gone forever the "Dear John" letter and the faked death; now, we can simply go up to the object of our discontent and tell her "I unlike you." No muss, no fuss.
3) In addition to "Friends," you can have "Fans" (only a matter of time, right, Sloppists?), and "Relatives." The somewhat disconcerting part is that, as with "Friends," when you want to add people as "Relatives," they have to confirm their status. Fair play--
(Digression: We like that expression--"fair play." Thanks, Emi Ha. EOD)
--As we were saying: Fair play, but it's still disconcerting to receive an e-mail message indicating that "So-and-so is related to the Solipsist." Especially when the So-and-so in question is the Solipsist's father! (DOS?) We suppose we should be reassured, but it's one of those confirmations that we never thought we would need to hear. It's kind of like receiving a telegram letting you know that you do, in fact, have ankles. Better that than the alternative, but nobody was asking in the first place.
Well, that's it for today folks. We're off to link this post to our Facebook account. The Solipsist movement will grow!
No comments:
Post a Comment