We shouldn't be too hard on the athletes. After all, it's hard enough for professional writers to avoid cliches. Why should we expect more from people who, however intelligent many of them are, make a living with their bodies not their minds? Not to mention the fact that these interviews are often conducted in the aftermath of highly physical contests, while the interviewee is out of breath, drenched in sweat, and sitting in his underwear. One suspects that even an urbane sophisticate would struggle to produce intellectual banter under such circumstances. Nobody asks Elie Wiesel to sit for an interview in his boxers (although that would make a fortune on pay-per-view).
Still, in the interest of improving the discourse, the Solipsist would like to provide some alternatives to the standard cliches. Feel free to pass these along to as many professional athletes as you come across in your day-to-day lives.
"We're just trying to take things two and three-quarters games at a time."
"Well, it was a real team effort today. I'm part of the team, and so are my teammates. And so are the coaches and the assistant coaches and the trainers. And they all put in effort. And then there's the other team--over there--they made an effort. And, y'know, the broadcasters and the timekeeper and the official scorer and the referees. . . Well, they're like the, the, the intersection in the Venn diagram of the effort that was made. And the fans. And the hot dog guy. And they all gave, like, 86%, which I figure is about the maximum percentage of effort that could be given by anybody while still allowing one's body to carry on the minimum functions necessary to sustain life. Next question."
"I just want to thank Satan for my talent."
"Well, I guess we just wanted it less. I know I personally couldn't give a gerbil's crap."
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