Bumps to You!

Awhile back, our FFB Emi Ha commented (or was it "complained") about bumper stickers.  We couldn't agree more that the need to declare one's hopes, dreams, aspirations, or even political preferences on one's bumper is a sign of questionable maturity (or at least taste).  We personally feel that you shouldn't plaster anything across your car's rear that you wouldn't feel comfortable tattooing on your butt--good rule of thumb, that.

Anyway, it is in that spirit that we offer observations on two recently noted bumper stickers:

"I [heart] my wife."  An admirable sentiment, surely.  But isn't having a bumper sticker that says "I love my wife" rather like having a bumper sticker that says "I brush my teeth"?  Why brag about something you're supposed to do anyway?

(Digression: Do you think there's enough of a lothario market to make money off a bumper sticker that says "I [heart] your wife"? EOD)

Another bumper sticker is familiar to all of us: "My child is student of the month at Buttmunch Elementary."  Well, OK.   Again, bumps to you!

(Digression: We just made that up.  We think it could be a good alternative to "hats off" or "thumbs up," roughly referencing President and Mrs. Obama's "terrorist fist jab."  The mission of all Sloppists is to use "bumps to you" in an appropriate context and try to get it to become a part of everyday speech.  You guys are slipping on your missions!  Get to work!  EOD)

But, we couldn't help wondering:  If the parents get a bumper sticker, what do the kids get?  We hope they get something better.  Two bumper stickers, perhaps.  (Also, those stickers should really state the month in which they were issued, so as to avoid more than one parent driving around with the valid bumper sticker at any one time.  Down that road lies anarchy.)

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For you writing enthusiasts out there, a question:  When nice parallelism meets stale cliche, which one wins?

From an article  in today's Times about differences in government services across different states:

"Across the country, hard luck is colliding with fine print."

Personally, in this instance, we think cliche has undermined parallelism, if only because it draws attention to itself.  So, sorry, Jason DeParle: This time, you lose.