Why don't Mormons believe in pre-marital sex?
They're afraid it might lead to dancing.
--Old joke
"Girls embracing girls, girls embracing boys, boys embracing each other--the hug has become the favorite social greeting when teenagers meet or part these days. . . . Comforting as the hug may be, principals across the country have clamped down. . . . Schools that have limited hugging invoked longstanding rules against public displays of affection, meant to maintain an atmosphere of academic seriousness and prevent unwanted touching, or even groping."
Well, the Solipsist couldn't agree more! Why, it seems that if high-school students aren't gunning each other down in pre-meditated massacres, they're running around hugging each other!
Must be all that senseless affection in video games. Just last week, Video Game Review's top titles included, "Halo 4: Assault on Cuddletown," "Grand Theft My Heart," and "Left 4 Dead 3: Zombies Need Love, Too."
No doubt teens will protest such heavy-handed policies. Fear not, though, kids, Uncle Solipsist has done some research. Here is a list of acceptable alternative greeting activities, as approved by the National Association of Greeting Standards (NAGS):
--High-Fiving
--High-Fouring (especially popular at leper colony high schools)
--Spontaneous square-dancing
--Suckling
--The "Klingon" (sort of a high-speed chest-bump, followed by a cry of "KA-PLAH!!!!")
--Guinea-pig exchange
Principals nationwide have expressed approval for these greeting rituals. NAGS will update the list as needed.
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