Mr. Irrelevant News Story of the Day
Location, location, location? Not so much. Nowadays, according to "The Unfortunate Location," people are willing to trade pristine placement for more house. Twenty feet from a railroad that blasts through the neighborhood every morning at 7:30, rattling the windows and scaring the children? Homeless people bivouacking in the backyard of your house, which is located between a gas station and a substance-abuse clinic? A soaring crime-rate that necessitates the building of a fortified wall complete with surveillance cameras and spotlights? No problem! These days, bargain hunters will happily exchange peace, quiet, and, apparently, the prospect of living through the night for a choice domicile. More power to 'em.
Before we get to the "Undrafted Articles"--those articles not "important" enough to merit front-page coverage or mention--we would like to draw your attention to two other stories that
were deemed front-page worthy--and more important than today's "Mr. Irrelevant.:
First, a story mentioned just after the "lead" stories, "What Has 132 Rooms and Flies?" No doubt most of you have seen the footage, or at least heard about it. During an interview, President Obama dispatched a fly. (Here's the link if you've missed it.) What you may not have heard is that PETA is upset about it. They sent him a "Humane Bug Catcher" so that he could avoid such senseless brutality in the future. Now, we know that PETA is not fanatically condemning President Obama and that they sent him the bug catcher not so much in the spirit of finger-wagging as in the spirit of, "Here's an opportunity to help us spread our message about the inherent value of all animals." It should be noted that PETA sent him the bug catcher only after the organization had repeatedly been contacted by media outlets seeking comment on the whole squishy issue.
(Digression: The Solipsist hereby claims trademark on the following: "Flygate," "Swatgate," and "Mosca on the Potomac." EOD)
(Additional digression: While we respect PETA's desire to protect animals, we've never been fans of these "Cruelty-Free" products, especially foodstuffs. "Cruelty-free potato chips." "Cruelty-free corn flakes." "Cruelty-free bean dip." Please! Cruelty makes it taste good! EOAD)
We will refrain from making the obvious comment that the folks at PETA need to get a life. They know what they're doing.
We will, however, say that, while we would still be honored to meet President Obama, we would have to think twice about shaking his hand.
And finally, a story that was considered SO not-irrelevant that it merited placement right under the fold. With a photo. "For Bloomberg, Golf's a Foe With No Term Limits" tells the astonishing story of a billionaire who likes to play golf. We know! It's not totally without news value, though. After all, unlike most billionaires, Mike Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City, only took up golf in 2000 in his late 50's. Also, he's apparently, um, terrible. So, y'know, there's the unquestionably newsworthy fact that an elderly Jew is not very good at sports!
Well, we take solace in the fact that it must be a slow news day!
Undrafted Articles
(Image from Wadayaneed.com)
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