We Know You're Out There! We Can Hear You Twittering!

If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one around to hear it, it may or may not make a noise.  Really, who cares?  But if a tree falls in a forest, and YOU are there, and it STILL doesn't make a sound, THAT would be noteworthy.  That would require an explanation.

The Solipsist, as has been mentioned, is on Facebook.  And like any good Facebooker, he checks his page several times a day, mostly in an effort to fend off boredom.  (Sometimes, things are pretty slow at the trout hatchery.)  Other times, he logs on for a mental-health break when things get too stressful.  (Sometimes, the trout hatchery can be surprisingly chaotic.)  It's nice to see if anyone has sent him a message or commented on his posts.  But even if no one has written anything to the Solipsist, these mini-excursions give him a chance to see what his friends have been up to: One might have taken the "Which transsexual rock star are you?" quiz; another may have posted new baby pictures; yet another may have tried to beat the Solipsist's score at the "Know-It-All: Chinese Emperors of the 12th Century Trivia Quiz" or simply told us "What's on his/her mind" (which may be nothing more than a random lyric from a 1980s rock song, but still).  The point is, there's always SOMETHING going on.

Except today.

The Solipsist logged on this morning and got his "updates" from the night before.  He typed in a random quote for today's "Status," and then went about his workday.  Later--several hours later--when he checked in again, the top "story" was. . . HIS OWN STATUS COMMENT.  In other words, NONE of his friends had done ANYTHING on Facebook for several hours.

Now it's not like the Solipsist has hundreds of friends, but he does have a few dozen, including several who update their statuses numerous times a day.  To log on after several hours--and we're not talking wee small hours of the morning, either--and see NOTHING new is downright disturbing.  It's as if the anchor came on the evening news and reported that absolutely NOTHING had happened that day: The utter lack of news would in and of itself be quite. . . newsworthy.

How often does "nothing" happen?  Imagine if the stock market opened at, say, 9, 473.68 and, after a full day's trading, closed at 9,473.68.  Sure it's theoretically possible, but what are the odds?  Wouldn't it freak people out?  (And no doubt SOMEBODY would start blaming Jews.  We're just sayin'.)

Awhile back, we commented that Facebook was essentially like homeroom.  We suppose that what we experienced today could simply be equated to coming into homeroom and finding everybody else absent; maybe it's snowing really hard everywhere but here.  Still, it's eerie.  In this hyper-connected, instant-update world, it's disturbing to think that animation has been, however briefly, suspended.

Then again, maybe the Solipsist is just being shunned.

(Image from "Funny and Beautiful Pictures")