Solipsistic Salons

Last week, The Washington Post had to do some serious damage control when it came to light that their marketing department had developed plans to host "salons" at the home of the publisher, Katharine Weymouth. These salons would be attended by Post journalists, Washington political insiders, and lobbyists; the latter would pay $25,000 to sponsor said salons. (Alternatively, lobbyists could get eleven for the price of ten by ponying up $250,000. That is not a joke.) Proving that journalistic ethics do not preclude Schadenfreude, The New York Times trumpeted the Post story on its front page.

We feel for the Post. We really do. Lord knows newspapers are floundering; scarcely a week goes by without a story of some venerable broadsheet facing massive cuts to staff or other resources or closing altogether. Newspapers need to come up with ever more creative ways to compete in this age of massive competition from other print media, television, and of course the internet. (Damn bloggers! Oh, wait. . . .) Still, there is something unsavory about the thought of corporate lobbyists paying for access to reporters. Of course, there's even more that's unsavory about the lobbyists paying for access to politicians, but at least we could hope that newspapers would be interested in uncovering such corruption-lite. If the papers are on the payroll, too. . . .

Still, as one door closes, another opens. And since we at The Solipsist have no such compunction about journalistic ethics, we would like to offer our services to those lobbyists left out in the cold by the Post's fickleness. In fact, we'll beat their offer. For a mere $20,000, any firm can sponsor a salon at Solipsist HQ ($150,000 gets you a series of ten salons and an autographed "Solipsist" baseball cap) . Granted, Solipsist Central is not as physically close to the seat of power at Ms. Weymouth's townhouse; at the same time, the Bayou is lovely this time of year, and we have recently installed new citronella candles all around the perimeter to keep the mosquitoes away. WOS has offered to prepare hors d'oeuvres, and she is even now at the Piggly Wiggly stocking up on assorted crackers.

What else will you get for your money? What WON'T you get?!? Well, for one thing, you probably won't get access to President Obama's inner circle or key players in Congress. On the other hand, we can line up some heavy hitters of our own. There's Mitch down the road--he VOTED for President Obama. We think. Anyway, he has some very interesting views on firearms restrictions that he would be more than happy to share with, say, a lobbyist from the NRA. We can't guarantee local journalists will show up, but we already have a verbal commitment from Clem "Buckskin" Parker, who has personally written over 300 letters to the editor of the Delta Democrat Times on topics ranging from the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty to Noodling. He firmly expects to get one published soon. We also hear that Sarah Palin may be available.

So don't despair lobbyists! You can still pay for access. No need to go through the Washington Post. There's more than one way to skin a cat. Just ask Buckskin Parker.

(Image of Solipsist Headquarters from Wikimedia Commons--how they got the picture, we have NO IDEA!)