Altius Citius. . . Senior?

"Frank Levine [age 95] belongs to a generation of track and field athletes who are breaking records for speed, distance and endurance at ages once considered too old for competition. In a sport tarnished by doping scandals, the older athletes raise anew the question of what constitutes a natural body for people who are at an age when drugs are a part of life." ("For Older Athletes, Drug Question Emerges")

We'll try to resist the urge to make some obvious joke about elderly pole-vaulters and Viagra. (OK, so we won't try very hard.)

No, but seriously, aside from the sociological questions about what constitutes a "performance enhancing" drug in for an elderly athlete, this is a feel-good story. You don't have to put aside your gold-medal dreams when you enter your golden years: You can simply take part in the U.S.A. Masters Outdoor Track & Field Championships. Apparently "masters" are the new old.

The Masters program organizes activities for people in 5-year divisions, starting at age 30. We understand that this year's world master's championships drew unprecedentedly huge crowds: Well over 40 people attended the various events.

And no wonder. Competition was fierce. Records collapsed more frequently than the athletes themselves. In the 90-94 year old category, Irv "The Grey Cheetah" Rosenblatt shattered the world record for the 100-Meter Dash in an astonishing 4 hours, 32 minutes, 12.23 seconds. While impressive, his victory in the race was tarnished when his sole competitor, Nicky "Gatling Gun" Robinson, was disqualified for wandering off around the 50-Meter mark to take a nap by the high-jump.

The 85-90 year old marathoners established a blistering pace, completing the first 13 miles in just over a week and a half. The winner is expected to cross the finish line sometime around Labor Day. Mdubeze "Arthritis" Ochekwu of Kenya is still the favorite.

(Digression: It's funny because they're old. EOD)

(Additional digression: WOS says, "You wouldn't write that way about black people. Why is it OK to do it about old people?" We have no good answer. WOS points her finger and yells, "Ageist!" EOAD)

The highlight of the games was the pole-vaulting competition which turned into a fierce battle between Australia's Nigel "The Flying Elderly Crocodile" Simpkins and American Kenny "Kenny" Widlow. Simpkins had seemingly clinched the gold with a vault of two feet, 3 1/4 inches, but then he tested positive for a foreign substance; it seems he was taking Viagra to, uh, add a little springiness to his pole.

All right, so we couldn't resist.