What Writing Is

Our FFB Emi Ha is back in the blogosphere. She's just completed a writing class and is full of piss and vinegar.

(Digression: "At first, she was just full of vinegar."--Abe Simpson. EOD)

In yesterday's post, she exhorted her followers to take pen in hand or keyboard under fingertips and write. "If you say you are a writer," she writes, "you are a writer." There's something to that, but, speaking as a basic writing teacher, we're not so sure. We have plenty of students who could say all they want that they are writers, but it would be like the proverbial five-legged sheep that we discussed in an earlier post. Calling themselves writers doesn't make it so.

What makes a writer a writer is writing. This is just semantics, though. Where we find ourselves in disagreeance (yes, we know it's not a word) with Ms. Ha is in her definition of writing itself: "Words let out are words let out. That's writing." Actually, that's speaking. What makes writing "writing"--or "Writing"--is the process.

For example, if we were speaking but not writing, we might have have used a strange made-up word like "disagreeance." You may object, "Uh, Mr. Solipsist, Sir, you DID use the strange made-up word 'disagreeance.'" Well, of course we did, but when we used it, we were writing. You all just didn't see the process, which went something like this:

"Hmmm. . . .I want to indicate that I don't agree with Emi Ha. [Yes, when we compose, we often think of ourselves in the first-person singular; it's strange, we know.] At the same time, she is a friend, so I don't want to come across as any more of a pompous jerk than is absolutely necessary. I'm in a state of disagreeance with her. Is that even a word? Hmm. . . . "Blogger.com" is showing me a red underline, so I guess it isn't a real word. Should I say "disagreement"? "Where we find ourselves in disagreement. . . . " Doesn't sound right. Not sure if the usage is right, but, beyond that, it sounds kind of harsh and bureaucratic. "In conflict"? No, way too strong. I can't really think of anything better, and this is taking far too long. OK, just go with "disagreeance," but add a disclaimer that you know it's not a real word. That's pretty good. Sounds kind of silly/funny. Self-deprecating. May raise a smile on Ms. Ha's face, and it may even allow me to provide a sort of object lesson on the writing process. Like this."

And that's what goes into one word! And that's what writing is.

We know where Emi Ha is coming from: She's an enthusiastic writer who already knows the process. She's internalized it. Plus, she just spent several weeks in the virtual company of others like her. Sadly, the majority of people we encounter don't understand the process. They think that what they see on the page took about as much time for the writer to write as it takes a reader to read. Good writing will give that impression, that tinge of inevitability. But remember, Sloppists, what a reader gets is not the only thing the reader could see.

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Just for laughs, check out www.translationparty.com.

The basic premise of the website is that you type in an English phrase--any English phrase. The program then "translates" the phrase into (presumably literal) Japanese. The Japanese phrase is then re-translated, literally, back into English, which is then re-translated into Japanese. The process continues until a literal English translation is translated into Japanese and then translated back into English with NO changes. The phrase is then said to have reached equilibrium. Here's what happened when we tried "So simple a caveman could do it":

English: So simple a caveman could do it.

Japanese: シンプルなので、野蛮な男には無理だと

Back to English: So simple, it is impossible caveman

Back to Japanese:だから単純な、それは不可能な野蛮な男

Back to English: So simple, it is impossible caveman.

Equilibrium has thus been found.

That one's actually fairly normal. It's more fun when you get something totally off the wall. When the Solipsist typed in, "I would like to feed your fingers to the wolverine," the initial Japanese translation came back into English as "I, I would like to send a finger to the state of Michigan." After numerous attempts, the program informed us that "It is doubtful that this phrase will ever reach equilibrium."

The Solipsist wins again!