Guest Blogger

WOS here. I had to take the computer away from the Solipsist again. He got on my last nerve.

Here's what I have to put up with:

Today, we were at the supermarket. Solipsist needed cereal. Suddenly, he got excited. This usually means trouble.

At the front of the cereal aisle was one of those sales displays: Large boxes of brand name cereal, 2 for $5.00. Ever the budget-conscious blogger, Solipsist reached for a box of Wheaties: Fuel. "Look," he said, "Peyton Manning. If I eat this, I'll be Peyton Manning!" (Yes, when he talks to me, he refers to himself as "I." THAT was quite a battle!) Yes, we said, you'll be Peyton Manning.

Then, however, Solipsist noticed that not ALL the boxes of Wheaties: Fuel had Peyton Manning on them. "Wait, should I get Peyton Manning, or. . . or. . . Or this guy?" Who is it? "I'm not sure. But what if this guy is BETTER than Peyton Manning? Maybe I wanr to be this guy! Maybe--"

Oh, just buy the damn cereal!

So we get to the cashiers. As Solipsist is putting the box on the conveyor belt, he notices that, on the back of the box, is a picture of all the "cover models." "Oh," he says, you know who that other guy was? It was Kevin Garnett." That's nice. "Kevin Garnett, see?" Yes, we see. "I could be Kevin Garnett." I say nothing. "Should I be Kevin Garnett?" I. Say. Nothing. "I think I better go be Kevin Garnett."

WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP AND BUY THE GODDAMN CEREAL?!?!?!

We made it out of the store without further incident. I was feeling optimistic. "Y'know. . . " Oh, God. "I think I need to trade my cereal. I wonder if they'll let me trade my cereal. I think I should be Kevin Garnett. What if people think I'm a racist because I'm not Kevin Garnett? Does my breakfast suggest I don't like black people? Because I wouldn't want people to think that--"

That's it! You have lost your blogging privileges for the night!

"But--"

You want to go for TWO nights?

Solipsist may be back tomorrow. WOS out.