Haggling

Old joke: A beautiful young woman in a bikini walks along a beach. An elderly man approaches. "Pardon me, young lady." he says, "I hope you'll excuse me, but I just wanted to say that I think you are incredibly beautiful."

"Why, thank you."

"Miss, I know that this is an inappropriate request, and, again, I hope you'll forgive me, but, as you can see, I'm an old man, and I wanted to ask if you would be willing to show me your breasts."

"What?"

"I know, I know, but, please understand: I just want to look. I'm not going to touch you or do anything rude. Also, I am actually a fairly wealthy man. I would be willing to pay you $1,000 just to show me your breasts."

"Really? A thousand dollars?"

"Yes." The old man takes out his wallet and shows the young lady that it does, in fact, contain a wad of bills, including several hundreds. "What do you say?"

"Well. . . . A thousand dollars? I guess I will. " She reaches for her bikini strings.

"Wait," the old man says, "would you be willing to do this for five dollars?"

The young lady stops. "FIVE dollars?!? What kind of a woman do you think I am?!?"

"Well," says the old man, "we've already established what kind of woman you are. Now we're just haggling over price."

We thought of this when we read today about many states that are prepared to adopt national education standards in exchange for federal financial support. The Race to the Top program offers states the opportunity to apply for grants to improve education. In order to be considered for awards from the $3.4 billion pool, however, states must be willing to adopt education standards developed by the federal government.

We think national education standards are a great idea, by the way: No logical reason exists why children from different parts of the country should not learn the same things. True, kids in Texas will be exposed to the dangerous ideas of Thomas Jefferson, and principals in Kansas will need to arrange for post-traumatic stress counseling ("We come from monkeys?!? ACK!"). Overall, though, we think it good that children in Mississippi learn as much as children in Massachusetts. And, in contrast to unfunded mandates focusing on punitive measures (e.g., No Child Left Behind), the Race to the Top concept sounds solid: A carrot rather than a stick.

Still, consider the rank hypocrisy of state legislators: "No federal mandates! Education is a local concern! If Obama is allowed to so much as address schoolchildren on the importance of staying in school, we will soon find ourselves on the road to gulags and forced collectivization! Keep Washington out of-- What? Oh, we can have money?!? Well, let me just untie my bikini top. . . ."