Sunday Paper Recap

Today's top story reports on the US's "secret" war against Al Qaeda--the one being waged not on the battlefields of Iraq or Afghanistan but clandestinely in other parts of the world, particularly Yemen. The most interesting part of the story, though, was this:

Attacks by Qaeda militants in Yemen have picked up again, with several deadly assaults on Yemeni army convoys in recent weeks. Al Qaeda’s Yemen branch has managed to put out its first English-language online magazine, Inspire, complete with bomb-making instructions. Intelligence officials believe that Samir Khan, a 24-year-old American who arrived from North Carolina last year, played a major role in producing the slick publication.

First of all, "Inspire" sounds like the name of a Jehovah's Witness publication. We're not saying that Al Qaeda and the Jehovah's Witnesses are the same thing. Of course, we've never seen them both in the same room at the same time. More importantly, though, how did we not get a subscription offer to this magazine. We subscribe to everything else. We would have assumed that our subscription to The Nation would have gotten us an offer for at least 73% off the newsstand price and a free alarm clock/calendar/AM-FM radio.

Perhaps we could get an educator discount. It is back-to-school season, after all. Get ready to go shopping for school supplies, which now could entail a trip to the cleaning supplies aisle. Thanks to the stagnant economy--well, let's face it, "stagnant" would probably be an improvement--school districts look for cuts anywhere they can find them. Lately, this includes janitorial supplies, so students are being asked to bring to school--in addition to looseleaf paper, crayons, and glue--such items as paper towels, cleaning supplies, and even toilet paper. As an instructor, the Solipsist would like to request that his students also swing by Bevmo for some Stewart's Orange 'N Cream soda and perhaps some microbrews.

Look, we understand the need for schools to find ways to economize, and we don't even think it's completely inappropriate to enlist the aid of schoolchildren (or, more accurately, their parents) in obtaining basic supplies. We want to make it known, though, that if a hypothetical Solipsist, Jr., is asked to bring toilet paper, he will do so. But he ain't going to share.