You all suck.
Today we read about a site called Klout.com, which gathers information from one's Facebook and Twitter accounts to measure one's "influence" in the world. Those with higher scores are considered "influencers," i.e., people who have some "pull" with others, and who, as a result, are often showered with gifts from corporate sponsors who wish to be associated with centers of influence. At any rate, the Solipsist thought he should check out exactly how wide-ranging his no-doubt considerable influence on the world is.
Now, the average Klout score falls in the high teens (out of a possible score of 100). Those with scores in the 40's probably have a "strong but niche following." Conservatively, we assumed our score would fall in the upper 90's. Imagine our surprise--nay, our shock--nay, our appalled dismay--to find that our score was.. . . 10!
Did we mention that you all suck?
Now, in order to up our score--without resorting to the desperate ploy of creating a Twitter account--we must somehow show that our followers are a small but fanatically loyal bunch. We've thought about calling on all of you to throw yourselves off a cliff, but we realize that--while this would certainly cause a sudden spike in our ranking--the long-range effect would probably be negative. Call it the Reverend Jim Jones Effect.
We've decided, therefore, simply to require all faithful members of Solipsist Nation to don feathered caps. Any size or feather-type will do. Please photograph yourselves wearing these feathered caps and post the pictures to Facebook--or better yet, just send them directly to Klout.com! If a massive mail-in campaign can get New York State to approve same-sex marriage, surely we can also inflate the Solipsist's influence numbers into at least the respectable teens!
Don't make us sign up for Twitter!
Solipsistography
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