The biggest non-story news story of the past week--a true candidate for Mr. Irrelevant had it not appeared prominently on Yahoo!'s homepage--was about how the majority of our nation's soldiers could care less whether openly homosexual troops served in the military.
(DIGRESSION: We've heard people use "could care less" and "couldn't care less" pretty much interchangeably. Logically, we've always felt it should be "couldn't care less," implying that people couldn't care LESS because they don't care AT ALL; at the same time, though, "could care less" just scans better. What's you opinion? We'd like to know. EOD)
We hasten to point out that when the pollsters first asked soldiers how they felt about the possibility of homosexuals serving in the military, a large proportion did, in fact, express opposition--until the pollsters pointed out that this opened the door for lesbians, as well. Serving together. . . . Showering together. . . . Comforting each other on those long, lonely, Arabian nights. . . . Where were we?
Seriously, though, can anyone be surprised by the non-deafening lack-of-outrage expressed by the typical servicemember? Sure, when the Solipsist went to high school in the mid-1980's, homsexuality hadn't been discovered yet. When we went off to college--as a drama major, no less--we sat through our first "coming out of the closet" speech and thought, "Wow, we know a gay person now. Huh. . . . Does that mean we're gay?!?" (It didn't.)
But today, everybody knows gay people. The generation currently enlisting in the armed forces was born at most a year or two before Ellen came out of the closet and dashed the erotic dreams of every young man who had a thing for average-looking funny blondes (yes, we'rer still bitter). Having a gay friend today is about as avant-garde and noteorthy as. . . . well, as having a friend!
As far as we're concerned, the only real drawback to eliminating "don't ask-don't tell" comes from the fact that now people who want out of the army will have to come up with a different excuse. We guess they can always just claim to be Canadians.
O.K. Today's lesson in the "Origins of Phrases". The original WAS: "I COULDN'T (God, I wish there were italics available!) care less." It was simple, straightforward, and logical. Obviously, it had to go. Thus, came the "hip" reworking: "I COULD care less, but I don't see how!" It made the same point, but used more words and was subject to misunderstanding. In short; a natural. And, naturally, it got shortened to "I could care less" which makes no sense at all in its current context. Why WOULDN'T it become the most popular usage?
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