The New York Times sets the agenda for the nation. Along with The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and the Sheboygan Sun, the Times may be considered one of the country's "newspapers of record." What the paper reports is what matters to the nation--and nothing matters more than what appears in the upper-righthand corner of the paper's front page. So, what matters to the nation today? What menace looms. . .well, menacingly. . .over the body politic? What scandalous miscarriage of justice or outrageous official corruption puts the very fabric of our society at risk of unraveling?
Cheese pimping!
The headline says it all: "While Warning About Fat, U.S. Pushes Cheese Sales." No, really, that says it all. While the federal government and such notables as Michelle Obama fret over the nation's expanding waistline, another government-funded agency, the non-profit Dairy Management, Inc., promotes the consumption of cheesy comestibles (cf., Monty Python).
Intergovernmental hypocrisy always makes for good copy. But intergovernmental hypocrisy revolving around dairy products? We don't think this merits upper-righthand corner above the fold 1,000-word treatment. Was yesterday really such a slow news day?
Here's an idea for a story: In time of national economic crisis, US government spends $140 million to convince people to order the cheeseburger.
You do realize, squire, that a bit of fermented curd always goes down a treat when you're feeling peckish...esuriant...you know, hungry-like! I think the Times has linked the steady expansion in the American waistline to the rampant consumption of huge blocks of cheese. Mickey Dee's french fries are often mistakenly blamed for our bulging bellies, but we all know it's the irresistible desire for Norwegian Jarlsberg that's ruining our country's health... And don't get me started on Camenbert!
ReplyDeleteSHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!!!
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